PathRhino

Notes from Thich Nhat Hanh on Anger

2011-07-26T19:05:00.000-07:00

Happiness – must come from inside us. It’s most basic condition is freedom from anger, despair, jealousy, and delusion (poisons)

Transforming Anger – Learn the practice of compassionate listening and using loving speech

Deep Listening – Like the example of Avalokiteshvara, Bodhisattva of Great Compassion. Then we can offer concrete guidance to those seeking help

Focus with all your attention, your whole being
1. Practice mindful breathing
2. Stay focused on the desire to help them find relief – this helps you sustain
compassion while listening

Namarupa – The psychesoma, mind-body as one entity. Overcoming the duality brings us closer to the truth

Food – Anger, frustration, and despair has a lot to do with our body and the food we eat Chew 50 times before swallowing, and eat moderately

Reacting to Anger – When someone says or does something that makes us angry suffer, and tend to retaliate

Dealing with Anger – When angry go back to yourself, and take good care of your anger. Embrace it like a baby. Whatever you do and say while angry may cause more damage in your relationship.

Methods – Mindful breathing and walking, embracing your anger, looking deeply into
the nature of our perceptions, and looking deeply into the other person to realize their suffering.

Conscious Breathing – One breath to be back in contact with yourself, Three breaths to maintain contact with yourself.

Mindful walking – With every step you can arrive in the present moment. Be aware of your feet contacting the earth. It may be helpful to know how many steps you take in an inbreath and in an outbreath.

See yourself – Look into a mirror when you are angry

Smile – allow mindful energy to be born within you

Notes from Taking the Leap by Pema Chodron

2011-07-26T18:34:00.000-07:00

Now is the time to develop our trust in Basic Goodness. The first step is being honest with ourselves. Natural intelligence is always available to us. Pause periodically and allow a gap into whatever you are doing.

Pause for 3 conscious breaths, or listen to the sounds around for a minute or so.

Shenpa – translates as attachment

1. Our storyline fuels it
2. Comes with an undertow
3. Has consequences which are frequently unpleasant

Transmuting Shenpa

1. Acknowledge you’re hooked
2. Pause, take 3 conscious breaths, & lean into the energy, get curious
3. Then relax, and move on.

Intention Practice (good in the beginning, good in the end)

1. In the morning acknowledge a consciousness building task, keep it simple
2. In the evening some time before you go to bed check-in and review how your contemplation went

Commit to pausing throughout the day. Allow time to experience life’s natural energy.

The Dalai Lama suggests fasting one day a week, or skipping a meal to empathize with those people that are forced to starve.

Compassionate Abiding (an excellent preliminary to Tonglen)

* Breathe In: the feeling of being hooked, open up to it, & relax.
* Breathe Out: Ventilate and give it space

Tonglen – expands as our ability to deal with more and more unwanted feelings increases

City Tonglen

* Stand still, pay attention to anyone who catches your eye
* Contact whatever feeling arises
* Say to yourself: May both of us be able to feel feelings like this without it causing us to shut down.

Advanced Tonglen

* Breathe In: take on the pain of others so they will be free of it
* Breathe Out: give them all your comfort and ease

Pema Leap Links

Review and Synopsis

Video

Shambhala Sun Spotlight

Integral Options

Lucky Rooster

Breaking Knews - What I Know Then

2011-04-06T18:10:00.000-07:00

Guest Starring Cracker aka Professor Whiskers

4Ceibas: Value Uncut

2010-10-22T20:12:00.000-07:00

You mention recognizing filters and then doing the work needed to remove them. This is to assume that you feel removing your filters are a good thing in the first place. In terms of applying a fresh outlook to situations I agree. I fear we may get into trouble if we begin completely abandoning our filters which may in fact assist us in seeing things perceptively.

I noticed that you mentioned shields but didn’t say much more than that.. Is the shield you are talking about the complete rejection of things we are not ready to accept so we ward them off for fear of what they may reveal?

This could take form via the subconscious, or it could be something even more on the surface of the conscious mind. Now shields don’t necessarily have to be a bad thing and also can arise out of wisdom. For instance I used to enjoy horror movies but then as I began to practice meditation realized that it may be better for my overall psyche to give myself only nourishing food and to limit the intake of violent imagery so I stopped watching this sort of material in an effort to protect myself from the blood and murder rife in the horror films, even if the adrenaline rush, and macabre still could be deemed as entertaining. Once again I wonder if this falls into the realm more of a shield or a filter. I can’t say for sure about your feelings about the shield because you didn’t really expand on that aspect of your thought process regarding values.

Let me move on to the idea of tools which in some ways I think can fall into an overlap of the previous too. That is I guess what I am talking about with the idea that I can’t say that filters may necessarily seen as something that may wish to entirely eliminate from our ability to take in new experience.

As a tool you mentioned qualities such as empathy and compassion. This brings to mind the teachings I received based on the work of Ernest Holmes (author of Science of Mind). He talks about the qualities of Christ as he calls it. It is important to recognize that he does couch his language in the framework of Christianity although many of his concepts seem to entirely transcend typical Christian thought. Although I hesitate to even say that much because my personal experience in the various types of Christianity is somewhat limited.

***This is some rough cut ramblings from a conversation a few months back, I wrote a bit more and may add a second post but I owed 4ceibas some thought spillage for way too long***

Dissolving Resistance: A Shadow Encounter

2010-08-26T14:46:00.000-07:00

Description

Resistance is the enemy of action and comes when the subconscious mind rebels against the conscious mind. This is an interference caused when accomplishing your goals is met with a fight. The heart tells the conscious mind that it wants to do something but then gets caught in a melee.

Another form of resistance is distraction. The mind runs all over the place and can’t focus on the path at hand. The world becomes too much at once. The heart goes aflutter and the things in front of oneself becomes more than one can take. Everything beckons. It is like wanting to watch TV, listen to music, and read all at once. The body gets thrown around in the distraction and the need to produce gets thrown into a tailspin along the way. This is the loss of heart. There is no reason to fear the path as it reveals itself to you. So many of the methods that are available only need to be carried out and the rest takes care of itself.

No terror can trap you more than fighting situations. Go with the flow of experience and don’t get tossed into a nightmare. Let it be and move on. As Suzuki Roshi says die in the moment and then live to die again. Then you have to keep dying over and over. Life is a light that jumps from the page. It is a super-powerful dream with great meaning. We can only remain aware of the truth as it comes into focus, realizing space as a friend and not as an enemy. The enemy is a phantom we create and we can easily get rid of. There is no reason to be at war. The eyes are led by the heart so all we need to do is keep checking in with the heart and the rest will grow through a sense of knowing. As Socrates said, “know thyself.” Don’t worry about understanding all of the texts and rituals of the world, only look deep into your heart and understand the spirit that stands before you. Unearth the shadow that shows itself to you in revelation.

Every hope and hurt is just another springboard to understanding. There is no reason to keep wondering if I am doing it right, as if there is such a thing as doing any of it wrong. The song of the heart grasps the pure sense of being alive. Keep moving forward without a terrible sense of fright about you. Resistance is not something that need be painful. Loosen it up. Shape each moment like a sculpture.

Dialogue

Resistance you have asked me to run away from what I am feeling, stunted my dreams, and turned me away from bettering myself. I have great respect for you even as I wish to overcome your sway. You have nasty teeth, and an ability to wind your claws around my mind and space me out, and stop me in my tracks. I get excited and then become a victim of my own inconsistency. How do you turn me against myself? What are your special skills that give you the ability to punish? Overcoming is an easy enough thing. Maybe I am asking the wrong question and it is not a case of overcoming at all. I ask you to reveal yourself, and tell me what journey you really hold for me. Embracing you once and for all will wind me out of this wound-up shell. The breaking of the cocoon is a step by step movement. Self-discipline and happiness means not being curled in a ball. I take a look at you and know that you are really just another tool for me to use.

Being

I am the being that overrides tension, and relaxes into knowing. I am the cause that finds itself out of a dark tunnel. I am the feeling that transcends pain and longing. Obstacles don’t exist. Words sink deep into knowing seen from beginningless time. The chariot of awakening takes you away from fear without resistance. The embodiment of success and knowing is the true state of being. Stand and take life one step at a time. Don’t feel afraid, let it all go away. Be the fullness of relaxation and joy. See what you want to do and then live it in space. Your own kind words will return back to you with goodness. You are never bound to situations. Get out your angel wings and fly. Don’t be tossed in pain, slapped into a back room hidden. Find true experience and step into the universal. I can only take you as far as you want to go. You are a gift to me as I am to you. You are not afraid. I know because we are one. We integrate with the patterns and mesh on the journey. Shape full acceptance into simple steps. Do what is true and cannot be turned away from. Realize truth and then go there without difficulty. Show yourself as an expression of wholeness, never lost in the silly fear of smallness. Staple your mind, fastened like seatbelts to the safety of absolute knowing. The gaze from the top of the mountain is joyful and immediate. It can’t be fully described. Like it is said we are just fingers pointing at the moon, but we can never fully explain what it is to be the moon. The fullness of experience is locked up inside of that very experience. Shape your existence to conform to the absolute and the relative will take shape of its own accord.

Creative Marriage

2010-08-14T13:19:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning needing to write. I think it is because so much is happening and I am in a tizzy in my head trying to get it all sorted. This leads me to want to put it out into the ether and let it rest for a bit. It reminds me of a rap piece that I still have memorized which developed out of my freestyles and writings until I became so bogged down in the thoughts that I needed to find a way to exorcise them from my noggin. The solution was a piece I call the Excorschism. Once I had given myself the space to form the jumble into a structured poem I felt relieved that I didn’t have to rely on having it swim in my brain incessantly as a nuisance.

Another thing that comes to mind is in the creative process of Utah Phillips who said that he primarily liked to create his songs in his head and fine tune them there before going into the next step and writing them down. He formed them and memorized them, made them part of him before he birthed them out into the world. I marvel at that as a writing method and will follow this structure in my own forms of creation in due time.

Now you may ask what is this thought spiral cobwebbing my brain. Well let’s see, where do I begin? Firstly as I begin my life as a married man things do feel different. My wife and I both have been conscious of the binding together taking place since we took our vows, beginning the next stage of our journeys. A big part of that I feel stems from the sermon delivered by our officiant the one and never duplicated Glen of Trees. When he spoke the 9 pages or so of text, seeming like a mini-lifetime, of the binding together Cinde and I embarked on we both felt the profundity. He really put us together as a cohesive unit. Not that we didn’t already forge that path but he gave us the external sermon on the mount, putting our promises into the air, and exhibiting our commitments before our assembled family and friends. The powerful impact shattered my earth that fateful wedding day.

Pulling together our dream and forging them into daily reality our sights span beyond the hearth looking at our lives as a way to express ourselves beyond the shackles of corporate serfdom and into financial independence. Both of us want avenues of expression for our creative talents and build independence in this capitalist structure. We decided we are no longer satisfied with breadcrumbs handed to us by the powers that be and want to operate within this system as best we are able.

This is why we have begun the early rumblings of a family business, and once again it is within this process that our path is binding ever closer together. I am brought to mind to the Hindu engagement ceremony I was invited to of a Trinidadian coworker of mine several years back. In the ceremony I really saw the coming together of two families, and the commitments being made. The ceremony seemed like it lasted forever and I was shocked at how powerful the whole thing was. In the process the families united in various forms of speech, action, music, and heart. I was ill prepared for the length of time and felt like a spectacle in the proceedings myself as I sat up front with my girlfriend at the time squirming and fidgeting as the ceremony labored on. Never was a meal so welcome than after all the rituals had expired for the day, and joyful music echoed alongside happy diners.

This is what marriage is to me as I think about this coming together. It is not a vow to be taken lightly. It is something that needs to be heavily considered and taken with great sanctity. You can’t just do it on a whim or based on a well of loneliness. In my opinion you got to step into such a situation knowing what you are doing, swathed in the expression of love, and prepared for the rocky albeit ultimately satisfying journey ahead. It is in my heart of feelings that I think the divorce rates in this country would drop significantly if people took seriously the binding together that takes place in the path of marriage.

Now as I settle my mind for a moment I will let the sun set on this series of thoughts and revisit my jottings once I have had time to muse in other areas. I feel better already knowing that I have exorcised some of the thoughts that are swimming like tadpoles in my head.

Early Outward

2010-06-27T05:17:00.001-07:00

Get up today! The sun is shining brightly.
Listen! You are the essence of my heart,
The goodness of life.
I invite you. Get up today!

Today is gone very quickly, tomorrow will come.
Please do not give up your hope
That we will have time to taste
Happiness and sorrow.

If you are the moon in heaven,
Show me your face as full moon!
If this is the season of summer,
Show me the rhododendron flowers!

On the mirror of the mind
Many reflections could have occurred.
However, the face of the beloved one
Cannot be changed.

If the heart has any pattern,
There can be no change.
Will the sun rise tomorrow?
It is useless to ask such silly questions.

Whether the sun arises or not,
I don’t make any distinctions.
My care is only for you,
That in your heart the genuine sun should rise.

If she is my dearly beloved one,
She should be called “One Who Has Stolen My Heart.”
The dance of apparent phenomena –
Mirage: is this performed by you?

When I meditate in the cave,
Rock becomes transparent
When I met the right consort,
My thought became transparent.

Dearly beloved, to whom my karma is linked,
I could not find anyone but you.
The wind of karma is a force
Beyond my control.

This good aspiration and karma
Are impossible to change:
Turbulent waterfall of Kong Me –
No one can prevent it!

When my mind recalls the dearly beloved,
There is no shyness or fear:
Majestic dakini that you are –
This must be my good karma!

By Chogyam Trungpa

Weepy Doesn't Know

2010-06-09T15:29:00.000-07:00

Why is everybody laughin'?
Weepy doesn' know
He jus' stan's there grinnin'
I guess he's kinda' slow
But Weepy don' get sore
Seems like he asks for more
Look at all them broken dishes
On the floor.

Weepy don' do nuthin'
There's nuthin' he can do
Sometimes he takes all mornin'
Jus' t' find his other shoe
An' hey goddammit, Sid
Lay off the poor dumb kid
C'mon Weep, I'll show ya'
Where it's hid.

He's so damned good natured
Jus' laughs an' takes his lumps
You never see him angry
'cept when he's croakin' gumps
But that's no big surprise
It's right there in his eyes
Looks like Weepy's found him
Sumthin' more his size.

Jus' like all these dishes
There's sumthin' in him broke
Don't guess we mean to hurt him
When we play our little joke
But the social workers say
He may have to go away
You ask him
I'll bet he'd like to stay.

-U. Utah Phillips

Drala and Shambhala Links

2010-06-07T16:14:00.000-07:00

Western Mountain Project: http://westernmountain.org/drala.html

Shambhala Glossary: http://www.glossary.shambhala.org/

Shambhala Training (Wiki) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shambhala_Training#The_Four_Dignities.2C_Drala_and_the_Lhasang_ritual
Rigpa Wiki (drala): http://www.rigpawiki.org/index.php?title=Drala

Discovering Magic (from Shambhala: Sacred Path of the Warrior) http://www.escapefromwatchtower.com/dis.html

Spirits (Khandro.net): http://www.khandro.net/mysterious_spirits.htm

Shambhala Times:
Drala Walk (Eva Wong): http://shambhalatimes.org/2010/06/02/drala-walk-with-eva-wong/
Karme Choling Garden: http://shambhalatimes.org/2009/04/17/karme_choling_garden/

Urban Dralas

2010-06-07T16:06:00.000-07:00

For my 3rd entry of the day I wanted to get into Drala. I googled it to see what’s available on the topic, because at the moment I don’t have my copy of Shambhala: Sacred Path of the Warrior handy, nor my notes from the training weekends available. The first entry that came up was an essay on Drala by the Western Mountain Project so I read a little more than half of that and then went out for lunch. Once out in the world the Drala games began very much of their own accord. I took a twenty minute walk spanning the space most NYers cover in about six minutes.

The sights abounded and to be honest I don’t recall experiencing too many smells, which here in NY can be a good thing. What I did experience most clearly was the sights and the sounds, and also how it felt inside me. In many cases it is the sounds that drew my eyes into the next experience.

A woman yelling into her cellphone, “I did not say that,” over and over. Then moving into, “If you want to put words in my mouth…”

There were plenty of traffic cops of the meter maid (pardon the sexist term), out on the prowl looking for tickets to give. One guy who had just parked and obviously in good spirits said he was going to play the badge number of the traffic cop.

She said, “It never comes out.”

I saw a $70 ticket taped up against a wall for a rogue sign observed chained up against a scaffolding for a massage/foot rub joint. A man popped his head out of the liquor store with his bright red, zigzag patterned button-up shirt to check out a passing lady.

Of course above all of this is sky. Today the clouds are nice and billowy, like marshmallows streaking slowly across a blue canvas. The city is alive to be sure. Is this the witnessing of drala? I think so. The world is so alive, everywhere. Another thing that came to mind is how much space there really is all around even in the hub-bub of this frenetic city. One area blocked off from parking littered across a couple of hundred feet made a wonderful pocket to walk along in the bustle. I couldn’t help but notice nobody else chose to use this wonderful gift of urban spaciousness. I guess they aren’t that interested in space. Which in a flash I realize is not so true because in the urban plazas people sit and enjoy their space. Maybe then it is the authoritative invitation to space that gets people to stop and be.

Let’s keep in mind many of the people taking a break in the urban plazas don’t seem to be fully engaged in their space as they chatter endlessly, fixate on cellphones, and chomp on morsels of food hurriedly.

Taking it slow did give me moment to say hello to a pleasant cop who had witnessed the screaming cellphone lady with me.

Now as I settle back into the indoor experience I reflect on the richness of what I experienced. In Shambhala we are taught not to take back our experiences like little trinkets bought at the store but to let them go. It is in that spirit I allow this piece to settle itself, and let go of it into the web universe like so many fragments of reality drifting away into the ether.

Intuitive Breadcrumbs

2010-06-07T15:59:00.000-07:00

For my second stop on my blog journey I aptly chose Linda Hollier due to her being mentioned by Anthony Lawlor in the intro to his last blog post, and also because she retweeted one of my quotes last night. In keeping with my intuitive breadcrumb theory it made sense to arrive here next. I found a post she made on Integral Life about the Burj Khalifa , a building in Dubai which is the tallest in the world. Linda gives this building the expressions of a living, breathing being.

***Please Note: due to my rambling mind, and hunger to explore I jumped away from Linda’s post and never made it back there***

This immediately brings to mind the Shambhala teachings on Drala and Yun. Dralas are the elemental energies of everyday magic that arise out of situations, and are recognized when one stops their internal chatter. It also conjures up the work of Francisco Varela when he speaks of moving from the internal into the external in order to become in harmony with our experience. This is the point of creation when we are no longer trapped in ourselves but allow the opening to take place and see the greater cosmos.

A portion of his work is described as such in the following entry from Wikipedia:

“Varela was a proponent of the embodied philosophy which argues that human cognition and consciousness can only be understood in terms of the enactive structures in which they arise, namely the body (understood both as a biological system and as personally, phenomenologically experienced) and the physical world with which the body interacts. He introduced into neuroscience the concepts of neurophenomenology, based on the phenomenological writings of Edmund Husserl and of Maurice Merleau-Ponty, and on "first person science," in which observers examine their own conscious experience using scientifically verifiable methods.”

Varela talks about the interaction of the human being with their external world. This is the dance of life. As living structures we are alive, and always in concert with the physical world. Varela got the core idea of this interaction from the work of Edmund Husserl who developed a model to understand this interplay. I first came across this model in the book Presence where the authors discuss using the “U-model” to deep-dive into the space of intuitive knowing, and push out into the external world through prototyping and eventually institutionalizing the gleanings once processed through the act of seeing things as they are, letting this go, and then crystallizing the insight that is allowed to come.

In my enthusiasm to layout some of these concepts I have lost my original thread so I will backtrack a little bit to the first tangent I made which was the mention of the dralas. As a matter of fact I will leave this entry and start a new entry on Drala. It is time to go to my next breadcrumb.

Articulate Silences

2010-06-07T14:53:00.000-07:00

Today begins phase 2 of my blog renewal project. I jotted down the names of people on Twitter I have come in contact in the past few weeks and will start to unpack their various blogs. I often see in blogging tips that an important component to having your own blog is to read the blogs of others. With this in mind I am beginning my exploration of the blog-o-sphere.

To start my journey I begin with Anthony Lawlor’s blog. On Saturday I put out a call for topic ideas to integrate into my freestyle rap session and he chimed in. His ideas were wonderful and I appreciated their arrival.

His tweet:

Topics @checkback : Unity in Diversity; Facing the Unknown; Living Bigger than Your Separate Self; Appreciating What Is...

This causes me to make his blog the jumping off point for my second exploratory phase and I begin with his most recent entry about Silence being the Real Secret. I once again knew I had come to the right place when I saw mentioned in the first paragraph another wonderful Twitter presence Linda Hollier, an Integral thinker living in Dubai who has fantastic insights.

This brings me to my first thought before I go into Tony's blog, which is leaving open space to intuitively follow our hearts messages. By following the breadcrumbs of life we find new spaces and experiences. Then as we pass through these intuitive spaces we should continue to be alert to the signposts along the way. By staying in the flow of our heart, letting ourselves go beyond the dictates of conventional mind. You don’t have to hold onto your intelligence like a wayfarer to a raft in turbulent seas, our existence needn’t play out so crudely. We can dance on the stage of openness to an audience of light-beings unseen and forever attentive. I don’t mean to sound so new age-y but I am only accessing the words as they arrive. I don’t fear the assembly of mind’s toy soldiers jumping around in the popcorn popper waiting for recognition.

The following approach may seem tedious as I go through Tony’s entry line by line but this is where I am in terms of approach. I aim to take the time to soak up the words and give my reflections on each striking thought. The entry gets going referring to being tired and alone, preparing for a dismal evening until with calm acceptance the power of silence enters into Tony’s mix. This is of note to me because I have often had similar feelings where meditation or just sitting silently has carried me out of a funk. I love the immediacy of settling that can carry me away from the ordinary pain of exhaustion or isolation.

Tony calls the one line bulleted statements Silent Sutras, and the first one talks of how at times silence speaks volumes compared to the accumulated wisdom, experience, and inspiration which can lose meaning. I’m not sure that these things actually become meaningless because it is these very things that bring us to our silence. They begin to rest and settle in the present and lose their outlying significance. No longer are they the solid tangible building blocks of being but become silent players in the settled space of contentment. This is a comfy place to be especially when you realize that this is all from an outgrowth of feeling tired, alone, and possibly having a dismal evening.

Tony’s 2nd silent sutra remarks that there is no physical silence, that even in an isolation chamber we hear the blood as it circulates in our ears. I am not sure I have ever truly experienced such a sound but maybe I need to listen more, or get myself into an isolation chamber and check out the sounds. No of course that is not the point at all. Tony likens true silence to the awareness of our thoughts, words, and actions. This is the centered being opening to the flow. I am brought to the concept of the witness. In spiritual circles we are taught to be aware of our experience and develop our watcher. By noticing consciousness, and the ever-present self that observes our world passing through us we begin to glimpse the centered being beyond thought. Of course there is the further stage of development where we don’t stop at the watcher but also need to learn to kill the witnessing altogether. It is taught in the books of spirit by many sojourners that there is an even deeper experience that exists past the witness entirely. Since most of us are not super advanced 40 years of experience black belt mediators we need to grasp into the fray with lots of little techniques and tactics to get to that ultimate and complete open space. It is good to get in there as much as possible but as any practitioner can attest we won’t have very much success trying to force it to happen. This is why there are so many forms of recognizing what is inherently an absolute expression of openness to being.

This is what Tony is referring to in the 5th Silent Sutra when he says silence is the groundless ground from which practices and creation arise. This is why it is beyond the comprehension of mind (#9). By finding the ever-present silence (#3) we connect to the spaciousness in between our thoughts. There is space everywhere. If there was no space we wouldn’t be able to breathe, and subsequently live. I marvel at the amount of space present when in tight quarters. Even in the rush hour commute sardined into subway trains there are pockets of space all around. All you have to do is look up or down and you begin to notice this. When people talk you can hear that it is the spaces in there speech that makes the words convey meaning.

I am going to leave this exegesis of Tony’s wonderful insights and allow you to explore the rest on your own. I found the words soothing and of value. I can think of no better starting place for my blog exploration phase than in the pocket of active silence this entry provided. Be well all.

***I hope I am not being too familiar in constantly referring to Mr. Lawlor as Tony but it flowed better in the rhythm of the essay so I stayed with it.

Reeling in Feeling

2010-06-06T17:31:00.000-07:00

You are a fighter
I see it in your spirit
Tackling everything
Including me

You Crumble beside me
And it kills me to see
All of this hurt
Hurled back and forth
Like a Hot Potato
Cooking with pain

Remembering
You came to my side
When I became sick
You were right there
Bringing me back from the dead with kindness
So much so that I can leave all of this anger behind us

Written 4/15/02
Revised 6/6/10

A note on these transcripts

2010-06-06T13:08:00.000-07:00

I am a bit shocked at the voluminous nature of the transcriptions from yesterday’s jam session with St. Mark and Sal. I am allowing the open world to be privy to the machinations of uncut mind. I don’t claim that what has paraded across my blog is of high quality, or representative of my potentials as an artist. What I am doing is maintaining honesty, openness, and a level of integrity that I hold myself up to. Contained in this onslaught of words is me. It may be parts of me I want to disown, or aspects that in the past I chose to hide. Most of us hide these myriad aspects of ourselves, and don’t spin it all out into the open, but I chose my name Pathrhino for a reason. This is my path and I must forge ahead. There is little fear in my heart that I can’t face and work with. I am poised here leaving my imprint on the Webverse. A long time ago I had an idea that one could approach their art slicing and dicing, only showing their best work, or they could jump in the furnace and present themselves as it reveals itself, and allow quantity to take over the matrix. I do this somewhat hesitantly and not sure of what impacts, and karmic propulsion I am working with. All I can say is like my celestial teacher Trungpa instructs us to “lean into the sharp points.” I also keep in mind the admonitions he gives us to be responsible as artists, careful not to barrage our audiences with our neurosis. As I look ahead I hope to strike a balance between these things and make my life come into the focus that is so much a part of my future road. Those of you who will discover and stay with me I thank you for your companionship on the lonely road.
As for everyone else out there I am happy to wish you well. I feel good about where I am in my journey, even if I can’t say I am happy with the words that sprayed out of me yesterday. The thing that can’t be denied is the release that I felt yesterday, and the intuitive steps that my heart keeps telling me to take. As a formerly stifled creative I will be coming out of my turtle shell in varied ways with pep in the step. So take these transcripts with a grain of salt. I am not here to assault you but allow myself to be the Self that I strive to be. I have allowed this world to stifle me, and muffle my cries of pain. This is a situation that I am finally adult enough to strike from the gameplan. So please fell free to join me and voice yourselves in the process. I am open to whatever people have to say, and look forward to the dialogues that I am sure will soon develop.

Jam Session Transcription (part 6)

2010-06-06T12:23:00.000-07:00

… Used to live in the basement
With that little ass window didn’t even see the sun
Used to … (instrumental break)
Madison Avenue got us looking for all of this (2X)
Better, bigger, stronger, new, improved
Give me your money, I win and you lose
Madison Avenue got us looking for all of this
Madison Avenue
I be like the slogan shogun, you know son
When I run this game n’ now running across the track n’
Hanging with the crackheads I always got my back in
This is a backbone that means community to them ain’t …
… out of the culture a vulture running around
Like a dog named Doug in the rough, Wow I like to see the trees
But … of the disease, right there now brought up in the freeze tag
Like I was playing TV tag, red light (3X) and the green
Full head of steam locomotive, burn your votive
… Wondering when I’m ever gonna get …
Knocked a couple teeth out … but I paid for that now and I’m feeling the pain
It’s anger and it’s words, I got to get relief
… I got to be released …
The Common denominator, who be the bomb in the greater?
That’s the way they do it and the heads when they come in to play the
They think they Big Pimpin’ saying that you be fibbing
But you hating that’s why you …
Westborough and the Baptists they don’t got no love for that kids
But I say they got to rise above this now
Discovering the hovering, there’s real people in every religion
… so I got honor them no matter their affiliation
If you’re an affiliac Mukyo, what are you saying? …
People don’t really have to do all these things
But that’s okay, break through all these stings
It’s just feedback that happens so I change my angle
I’m singing in Egyptian but I don’t walk like a Bangle
… wrangle on my feathers, don’t wear a cowboy hat
How many Presidents are from Texas?
Is it the money with the oil? Is it the lye?
That be in there when you making up the soap
How you going to come wash your mouth
That’s the thing you’re talking about, that’s so wild
A chip off the old block, a daddy kind of apple
What you want to do? You want to wrestle when you grapple
MMA eh? UFC see! What do you want to be, be?
That’s all right free … I got the beast on my back
I’m just a mercenary killer from Kellogg Brown Root
I’m hanging very hectic, Halliburton’s clean up the world
… Who got the golf tournament? NBC? … privacy
I need a payday, green is profitable you know
Building up these buildings, and they building what they sow
… Baba the Nagas, smoke a lot of ganja, straight from the chillum
What we gonna do? The interspaces …
Get to the bottom of this hit off the waters

Jam Session Transcription (part 5) explicit

2010-06-06T08:00:00.000-07:00

That’s why, why, they always picking on me
I don’t understand it that they say that they’ll be real
Your truth … part of your inner asshole
That’s why you want to live in a castle
Hanging with the vassal …
Storytelling … in the interspaces of reality
The dream comes back and it never really leaves
I’m taking all these pages like I’m taking off these reams
Make a bed out of it, out of nettles when I’m hanging
What I’m doing … I feel enslaved and where is my freedom
Like Rudolf Steiner said this is philosophy that comes intuitively
Thinking at the Bringing of disaster
Look at angels on the wall of the plaster … any type of back-up
If you want to be the … be the slave and the master of your own self
Of your own self, of you own mind time
Where are you now? Chronicide, killing time
Climb out of your little fucking box and
Feel it right now … frontal lobotomy with a bottle in front of me
Feelings I don’t know and they keep on dunning me
I owe money but I still deserve respect
They take it out of me beheaded like they lost my neck
What do you want? (2X) …
Can you give me money? Because I got to pay these checks
‘Hoe-ing for a system that lost it’s love
‘Hoe-ing for a people that don’t even care
And don’t respect the dark and the pieces that they turning
That’s why we’re caught up in arsons when we’re burning
Who started the fire? Who started to hire?
Where we going now in these corporate courses,
Wire to wire type of backing in the faction?
… I hear my calling … where’s my stall and feeling warm in?
… never be stalling in the rat race, race horses, race mind
And they now ready to toss us … death of the widow
That’s all right, I’m never getting rid of them
… consequences … feeling now, looking cross when it dispenses
Like vending machines in the Coinstar machine
… contaminated, I feel it now it’s all been cut up …
Cigarettes … my momma started cigars
I be like damn what are you doing?
… it goes far, when you’re on a budget
You’re brought up in the sludge ‘n
I break out of the Bronx and ended up cooking up in Brooklyn
I shook men with my boys from the other side of the coast
I right there now eating it up like a pig roast
But I’m vegetarian, scary and I’m hairy ‘n
That’s right now and I rhyme like a Rastafarian
When it’s suited … (2B Continued)

Itunes picks for Melsidwell

2010-06-06T05:42:00.000-07:00

Silversun Pickups
Maps – Yeah Yeah Yeahs: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIIxlgcuQRU

Hooplas Involving Circus Tricks – Say Hi to your Mom: http://www.last.fm/music/Say+Hi+to+Your+Mom/_/Hooplas+Involving+Circus+Tricks

Geraldine – Glasvegas: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMNNDINCFHg

Transistor Radio - The Helio Sequence: http://www.ilike.com/artist/The+Helio+Sequence/track/Transistor+Radio?src=onebox

Keane
Starlight – Muse: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pgum6OT_VH8

Lazarus – Porcupine Tree: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hRYDJpitQ8

Bluegrass

Down in the Swamp – Bela Fleck

This Lonesome Heart – Yonder String Mountain Band

Trials and Troubles – Old Crow Medicine Show: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12N_iD1lC7k

Hero of the Day – Iron Horse: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzPPmuFUicc

Jam Session Transcription (part 4)

2010-06-05T22:09:00.000-07:00

I like to have a good laugh just like the next man
Stick my neck out like a giraffe with the vexed plan
But I understand that some people they got cruelty in their hearts
And they don’t got love and they like to do it at the expense of others
Ignorance is defiance of your own self, torrential downpour
And it comes on other shores it’s
And all these sycophants …
But that’s all right, that’s behavior that’s abhorrent
In this labyrinth you got to act it better than you fathoming
This is something that be happening
I know you gonna do better, yapping it
… Kind of trapping and you having fun at the expense of others
Your brothers, your sisters, and the mothers
That’s not the way you gonna do it and discovers
Like Christopher Come-bust-us
And you lost in the train
Feeling it and play other people close, lost your brain
Getting in their way and you don’t maintain
There’s a flame in your heart, and you got to get bigger
You got to use your mind, the way to start figure
Not like a trigger, your violence don’t help you
That’s the truth … it’s nothing
But your there fronting … damaging
In the sorrow at the expense
What you gonna do erect another fence
In a gated community the doom that we have
That’s why you sit with your knife when you stab
The gift of gab can be used in so many ways … better
Let’s use the sutures put together when we settle
That’s what we do when we grab it and try to acquisit-
But I tell you man you got to break past it
The passion that I’m asking open up all the sashes
It’s the Fashion Avenue one everyone looking to
Yo I’m walking from coping and I said
yo I’m away from the dope and all the placements
I feel yo like graffiti walls when they deface this
It’s the selling myself short my mind when it gets caught
Damage and sorrow in time when they try to borrow
It’s like another loan, first they give ‘em out like it’s going out of style
Then they turn it around, and treat you like a child
… What you do emanation, my manifestation
Is a type of interpretation, that anything that T-I-O-N
And when I’m firing, I don’t obey the king ‘n
Never be singing against the siren, alarming
At times I be dormant but other times I’m funkin’
When I spoken, yo they choking form out of their cloaking
I’m there right now beyond ordinary hope ‘n
Ah yes, I got belief and more, they think that …
Gonna see coming right … trapped in the lost
I want to be free, humanity’s free
If you’re not in the court then why you testifying
If you’re not in the line then why you always fired
What you want to do? Your retirement is needed
Any type of … in the seedling in the fertilizer riser … Times Square
… it’s the corny nasty stuff that I could never really ask for
but you right there saying that’s all about the asphalt
… When I bust it before I hit the expression I hit ‘em with a lesson
They messing up my hair, they messing up my dome
They guessing that I known like I’m acting like a clone
But I got another poem that you hearing and I’m tearing
Away from the pain that’s driving me insane
I came here now, I had know-how
When I showed up now when I played your bluff
It’s a world series of poker painting the casino
Can’t be a fiend though
Win a little have some fun, that’s enough for me
I don’t want the world you can keep your billion
Rather earn it anyway and when I have a little something
Made a little for my children, and I’m loving,
And it’s okay if I lose it all in one day
That’s okay man I got another way
If I want to … Foreman name me Yuri
This is the rhythm and this is the …
That’s why you see more than what you seem to heard
That’s why you looking 360 all the time …
North west south east, so many directions that you must see
… back home … what you be doing when you reaping what you sow
Choking your mind … let it all in the door ‘n
Need a little building … immersed … science it’s defiance
… like it’s coming out my kitchen
That’s right man you can hear it in my diction
It’s science fiction, it’s turning real
That’s why, why, why?
Shaking in my mind like a slippery eel
I be looking around trying to get mass appeal
… audience … it’s catharsis … if it’s not real need a new one
It’s bigger than me now and my next next meal
What I feel it in my stomach, phased out when they done it
But now we gonna run it away, and paragon …
This is a new paradigm
Understanding, demanding, we’re handed a scam ‘n
We’re landing the words but now we coming through
From the earth it’s the birth, the children in the playground
To the old folks geriatric up in the senior home
That’s for all and leave ‘em in the middle that’s why
Now it’s a riddle for the … like a koan
There’s no real answer it’s got to come right from the experiential self …
(to be continued)

Jam Session Transcription (part 3)

2010-06-05T20:00:00.000-07:00

Looking for reality that’s bigger than myself
Yo, looking for a path that takes care of my health
It’s like, yo I’m forty years (old), never even knew I would make it here
But now I’m liking life and saying I want to keep it oh yeah
That’s right, I be like sixty, seventy, eighty, ninety-nine like Wooden
Busting up and staying good in
It’s my life I don’t care if I got to right it
I want to turn it into gold like my name was Midas
Put it together, not too loose, not the tightest
Find diversity forming unity
Pursuing … stay away from the fiends
Portals in the mortals but we caught up in the birth of …
Bugging from the media when it heats in your brain
Can’t you see it Carolyn? It’s driving you, it’s insane
Jack Daw 841 gave me an idea
Communitas we got to see catharsis
Breaking from the pain, manatee’s progression
Lost in this now, I don’t find it in recession
Blessings at this church lurching not knowing the Bible …
Caught and I’m lost, and I’m hanging on the reef

Jam Session Transcription (part 2)

2010-06-05T18:47:00.000-07:00

Words are like birds when they move through your nerves
It comes through your synapses like it lapses back
Into thoughts when you get caught in the reverie
Times … tell you that you got to get back into the now
There’s a reality, the spaces in between
And feeling like you lost another submarine dream
Caught in the depths you wept
Woke up with an angry kind of disposition
Clowns were laughing at me
Nobody understood I had to get to school
I had to get there on time
I got to graduate, man I’m fifty and I never had a degree
Dial three hundred sixty don’t you see me
Passing all directions and I feel like I’m growing teeny
Tiny, behind me is all of this pain
I can never be … it rides in my brain like a train
They say forget about it, get back into the now
But I’m caught up in this and I’m bumping know-how
All these things I do, ( I) had to do
But it seems like I can’t get out of it, and never stay true
It’s another lie they got me trapped in my rap
But I’m there taking all the same stupid crap
Even in this office now, yo they bump me off and how
And what me gonna do, they want to use it in a way
That they really fool, another fool
Yo they watching they surveil
I see them on my tail
And their crazy … like hail
I’m falling on the pavement
Like a crane when it’s dropped
I feel like scaffolding got socked
What we going down, up and down Dow Jones
I feel like I’m acting like another one of these clones
When I put on my suit and think I’m oh so cute
I got a nice haircut and I’m real real clean
I’m kind of Liberal in the thinking but I play it Conservative
So I can have my American dream
I ate a lot of petroleum out of my car
And here I am now with the ink of my tars
And the tar baby washed up on Pensacola ocean
This whole community’s being displaced in the commotion
Erosion of all the fish and supply
You think there was lead in it, now it’s causing you to die
I went out my fallout shelter to see if it was okay
Radiation’s running through my mind everyday
Bombed on me like hydrogen, atomic when it’s blown
Hiroshima, Nagasaki, the hockey I be watching
But I lost my … caught up in the … YO!

Jam Session Transcription (part 1)

2010-06-05T18:00:00.000-07:00

Jam Session Transcription (6/5/10)
… Now I’m kissing on the mike
like a little lady telling me that (I’m) acting so crazy.
Finding community blowing up in my mind
I feel like the Gulf is going to oil, boil my fish dinner
The birds were hanging in the sea and then they got overtaken by petroleum
It’s attack of the British and they got no love
Hanging with the boys it’s the colonists
I’m getting pissed off once again
I said they don’t want to mess with me, you know my friend
I got off the picket line
Brought my art from the heart
Start it now its progress yo I gots to do my best
Yo, Rest when it’s needed
Heeding in the calling of the catharsis
In the riding in the races of the horses
it’s wild the style yo child
It’s the sorrow that they borrow with the mistakes of mortals
It’s the portals of humor, It’s the way it happens in the loudscape
Screaming on this now from the top of my fire escape
Out on the rooftop with my tongue drop
Can’t afford the dentist
I heard they’re reforming on my healthcare
When they dare
Make fun of me if you think it’s funny g.
But you’ll have more fun if you make it with me
Hanging on the rhythm and my job went overseas
I was back on the picket line … through the heart
Moving through this now, progression like a dart
I was hanging in the park getting drunk every night
Wondering why I’m acting so damn wrong
It’s a song in the lawn, communitas
Is it just another meme?
Mistaken of the art I suppose it’s just another dream?
I get consumed (by) consumption
Like I act like lumpen
This is the truth but I lie when I’m …
Take-itta (X5) take it on down
(break)

Riding the horse called emotion

2010-06-01T16:06:00.000-07:00

A weekend came and went, and I left the blog alone for a few days. As the time slipped by I felt liberated allowing it to disappear knowing that come today I would mount the horse again and put forth more thoughts. The world is a genuine gift everyday and I am prepared to receive its offerings. Each moment is a brand new opportunity to experience the richness of life. I think of the happy go lucky, positive affirmations crowd and wonder if they may be muting their experience under the guise of optimism. I also worry about the miserable, problem-heavy, complainer crowd on the other side of the spectrum. I am not criticizing anyone here but I think of these two poles of relating to life.

The positive side has to maintain a cheerful attitude and stay upbeat. Especially if you set yourself up as a teacher or an expert in the field of positivity like so many personal development, and law of attraction gurus making the circuit do. These days every other person seems to be a life coach, entrepreneur guru, social media maven, or what not. At least that is what is bubbling over in the twitter crowd. Once you present yourself in this matter the dark side becomes hidden. Does this part of you get buried only to come up in other ways? Or can you really put enough of a lid on it to be happy and make your reality come to life trough positive thinking, and enlightened action. I don’t want to take anything away from these people but in the same breath I don’t wholly trust this approach. Or in the very least I don’t see it as my route of relating to the world. Anyone who has followed the explosion of this blog of late will know that I am one who likes to get a little messy and crack open my deep psych in the service of personal growth, and discovery.

I don’t feel right putting anything forward that doesn’t feel genuine and real. I am never going to conform to some critic’s version of reality. I want to make you feel something when I step up to the plate. I am not here to give you a false sense of warmth or security. I want to get into the eye of the storm and bounce around amid the turbulence for awhile. Then ride safely out of the mayhem, settle my wings, and breathe. I love the energy of revved up emotion. This is why I am drawn to the transformative nature of tantric and Vajrayana teachings. I want a spirituality that honors all aspects of the human condition, and transforms all situations into expressions of wisdom. I don’t need to manipulate reality like some future sailing svengali on a road to ultimate peace. My peace comes from being earnest, and gutty, lively and thorough.

I do slow down the furnace of my analytical mind on many occasions. I’m forced to recognize my tendency toward the intellectual and the logical, and push into the experiential realm regularly. If I allow myself to fall into the thought based method of existing then I fool myself and cheat my life of the being. I can’t do that and I set up things to counteract this tendency of mine. In the same vein I do honor my tendencies, and work with them as they are, never waiting for some future date when it all gets pulled together. In many ways I can stabilize my life, but I will never pull it all together

I am brought to mind about the growth processes of nature as discussed in the Havener book, Meaning: The Secret of it All, where we find that the true process of growth is always alive in the moment of now. Once a system becomes bound by rules and structure it ceases to be alive. The structure falls into obsolescence and shrivels up and dies. I take my cues from nature and see the dynamic nature of being. There is no time to be ensnared in the web of misery. No matter the circumstance there is always the possibility of applying more insight, greater effort, a clearer version of what’s real. Also the journey is uniquely personal so although we can give each other pointers, the real nitty gritty is done in the lonely individual capacity. I got a lot to offer, as do all of us whether we choose to recognize it or not. The catch is that we need to remain responsible in what we choose to offer the world. I don’t want to candy-coat experience and give everything a neat little bow, but I also don’t feel the need to burden the world with anymore misery and senseless complaining.

One of my biggest frustrations is in making real change on a global level. This world feels like a runaway train ready veer off track. That gets me upset. When I think of all the wars, famine, and horrors being played out everyday I become deeply saddened. This world has always been rife with misery and the stage seems to get bigger as we sail along in the information age. We can mentally zip across the globe and get newsbreaks about every corner of the earth. This makes the landscape seem smaller and in your face looking out into the social theater. This is where perspective is crucial to the ballgame. Let’s not get overly caught up in the affairs of others, but let us also not get too trapped in our little boxes.

We often hear about the need for balance, as if we are acrobats in a grand circus but don’t get too bogged down in these concepts. The things I am saying and doing, discovering and sharing will form in time. I do not want to rush their outgrowth or become overly psychological in my approach so I am going to let the keytap rest for now, and bid you adieu.

Rethinking Rest

2010-05-27T16:02:00.000-07:00

What an interesting day I am having. When I first opened my word document and decided I would write my blog entry I felt no pull toward anything. I closed the document and looked back at an essay I stumbled across studying web materials for yesterday’s entry on Religion and Science. I pulled it up and looked for the part that interested me, where it talked about Georgi Lazanov and the Accelerated Learning technique. The essay writer Paula Zahn mentioned that in keeping with Lazanov’s work they placed a reminder to take a 2 minute break every 20 minutes. I have never heard of Lazanov which led me to review his work.

It turns out his work centers on classroom learning and particularly the learning of foreign languages. This is attractive to me because I have often wanted to learn Spanish, and I am scheduled to go to Costa Rica in a month. The process needs the involvement of a qualified teacher according to Lazanov and also specialty textbooks since traditional domestic textbooks don’t provide the structure needed. This doesn’t dissuade me from working with some of the core principles although I do see Mr. Lazanov is a very careful man not advocating the use of hypnosis, or mechanical devices since they interfere with the vital energy needed from an energetic teacher. I respect this but at the same time firmly put myself in the trial and learn school so I am going to employ some of these ideas.

The first thing I started doing is taking the periodic breaks that Paula Zahn mentioned in her essay. I began a few hours ago and have been periodically stopping and doing nothing as she instructed in her essay. In just a few sessions I immediately began feeling a sense of settling. I also have become aware of a tired sensation around my eyes. I am not sure if this has to with eye strain centered around my time spent on a computer, lack of consistent sleep (partially caused my cat that has taken to waking me up in the middle of the night), or a caffeine related crash from the Iced Coffee I have most mornings of late.
What I do know is that I have a sense of greater awareness in general. Only time will tell as I continue to work this idea of frequent breaks.

Another thing I came across in my travels was polyphasic sleeping. I also was not aware of this concept and found the wiki page intriguing. It starts with various studies centered on Military training, and NASA missions where people try to find methods to maintain overall effectiveness when a full night’s sleep is not possible.

There is also a section about various polyphasic sleep patterns. Uberman is one where you sleep for 20 minutes every 4 hours. Dymaxion is where you sleep for 30 minutes every 6 hours and was developed by Buckminster Fuller. Another style is the Everyman where the individual maintains a core block of sleep of 3 to 4.5 hours along with 3 twenty minute naps during the day.

Most of us follow a monophasic sleeping schedule, and the polyphasic schedule probably seems excessive to most. One of the blog posters who lived using the Uberman style warned against telling people who will think you are completely nuts. The biphasic schedule is the only one possible for me to try because of my fulltime job. In a biphasic schedule you sleep the 3.5 – 4 hours core block along with a 90 minute nap. Now that is something I can pull off by scheduling my 90 minute nap for as soon as I get home from work. Today especially I feel like I could use it as I am feeling a bit worn down.

The final element I wish to deploy is increasing my meditation sessions which I have been highly resistant to ever since I began sitting 7 years ago. I have attended many programs and experienced wonderful states in the context of the meditation hall, but I continually fall short of the mark in my at-home practice. Now as the pressure inside me builds to nip this persistent hesitancy I see that between these rest and sleep structures I have a chance to build a day to day life that will include time to pursue writing, study, physical exercise, and finally a consistent meditation schedule.

So there you have it, the coming together of many elements in how I structure my day, and build them into a support for my higher aspirations. I will keep you posted on the developments.

Science and Religion

2010-05-26T15:44:00.000-07:00

Teradoll on twitter asserted that science is an expression of truth, and religion is only a means of control. We then had a back and forth of 140 character messages. As the responses built up I decided to put my response in a larger explanation, and that is what follows.

In the last 12 hours I have contemplated my feelings, perused a few books, and did a, “science and religion” web search. This gave me a birds-eye view of the debate that’s been brewing for centuries. The parties involved fall into several camps ranging from that science and religion are in outright conflict, as seen in the work of Richard Dawkins, to the non-overlapping theories of Stephen Jay Gould, all the way across the spectrum to the integrative possibilities of Ken Wilber.

I personally believe science and religion have a complementary relationship. Religion and science may not have fully merged in practice but they have a lot to inform each other about. You already see the scientific method used in the religious realms with the practice of meditation. In fact, various religious forms of the major religions at their core hold mystical methods that can be applied by spiritual researchers yield results, which can then be placed in the collective sphere for study and analysis.

The advances in neuroscience are one area that can aid this discovery. By hooking up the religious practitioner to equipment we can map out the changes in their brain patterns and return specific data within the framework of the scientific method. This is where science is a tool capable of proving the claims of sages for thousands of years.

Science on its own hasn’t in my opinion satisfied me in terms of providing meaning to the complex system of the human condition. There are many people more qualified to present the data and be convincing so I am aware of my limitations to persuade. The interesting thing here though is that whether I convince you is irrelevant to the actual truth, so it becomes foolish to get overly caught up in the personal skills of the debater. I have seen great debaters shred lesser ones without providing any real value to the question at hand. One indicator of this is how often confident debaters can take either side of the argument and blast lesser competitors regardless of their own beliefs or understanding of the facts. As you read this piece it is important to keep in mind shortcomings in my abilities to convince you don’t take anything away from the dictates of truth.

One thing science has provided in my opinion is a way to eliminate the false claims of so many theologians who take extremely literal and steadfast interpretations of the wisdom books of antiquity. It is this fundamentalism that I believe Teradoll refers to when she speaks of the controlling nature of religion. My view of religion also rejects such top down interpretations of spiritual searching. This is why I rely on beliefs that are open to the scientific method, and generally hold skepticism toward things that can’t be backed up by proof. This is also why I am devoted to a path of spiritual practice as taught by various forms of religious thought. When one embraces the possibilities garnered through process, and application of principles over time it is beyond description what is given in return. I can’t give you a complete scientific understanding of my personal experiences because my skill set is limited in this area. What I can tell you is that by applying specific techniques to my daily life over the course of time has yielded in me changes I struggle to think would have occurred in any other manner. I certainly don’t see the field of science personally being able to develop me in these ways. I also haven’t been personally hooked up to EEG machines and other like devices to map out my brainwaves but I don’t need to in order to reap the rewards of my practices.

I rarely talk about my personal practice but it seems relevant to the conversation at hand. This is a window into how I view religion and science. In my life I don’t see how I could truly separate the two. Science comes in many forms, psychology being the study of the mind, neurology the study of the brain, and spirituality the study of the spirit.

Finally I wanted to address the comment about religion being no more than a narrative used to keep people in their places. This is true in many of the ways religion has manifested and it is a sad fact. In my opinion we can’t throw religion into the trashcan just because it is has been hijacked by the manipulations of power. As I continue to say at its core are the basic truths of living. My type of religion is not at odds with science, the same way that my type of science is not in conflict with religion.

If we are going to unlock the answers to these questions we to have to look closely at what type of science we are embracing as well as what type of religion. Although this short piece can only open the exploration ever so slightly, I feel it is a vital path for me as an individual to explore, as well as beneficial to others. Lastly, Teradoll I want to thank you for piping up with your honestly held beliefs, thus enabling me to explore where I stand on these issues. I’m just getting started in looking at these things (with my life permitting) but feel instantly enriched by the experience of setting these words down.

Navigating through Crowded Spaces

2010-05-25T16:13:00.000-07:00

On my commute this morning I came up with the idea that a brief exposition on dealing with crowds would be helpful to a general audience. This weekend I attended a punk concert which brought to life many of my past show experiences. Coupled with my daily commuting, and the increased heat seeming to bring people out in droves I have decided to unveil for the first time some of my secrets of how to get around in crowds.

The first place I would like to talk about is commuting. Keep in mind the two objectives that all of these techniques are focusing on is first getting where you need to go in a timely fashion, and second being considerate of the people around you. I am not providing an ends justifies the means approach here but rather honing in on a complete experience where you get to where you got to go quickly and with little disruption to the people around you.

The trip begins at home so if you want to have a pleasant commute make sure you leave enough time to get there. Also leave with the proper mindset, if you are rushing then there is good chance you will be frustrated by situations. Another thing to keep in mind is delays are unavoidable so when you get confronted with them recognize them as situations out of your control. As you board a subway, bus, ferry, or pass through a toll make sure you have your fare, id, or any other item you need to pass through the entranceway. Preparation is the key to being quick, and carefree. I personally don’t like to rush so I only hustle when it is absolutely necessary otherwise I am doing everything I can to make things as relaxed as possible.

Be conscious of the people around you and keep as much space as you can between you and others. When walking in a pack keep an eye on the feet in front of the person in front of you so you can begin to match their strides in a fluid fashion. When someone clips my heels from behind I tend to stop and let them pass. It gets the tailgating pedestrian off your back and on your way, and also at the same time gives you an immediate blocker into the commuter pack.

As you walk look for clear spaces and gravitate towards them. Many times people get caught in the middle of large groups while the sides continue to flow around the pile-up. As you allow your awareness to stay with what you are doing you will find that there are tons of openings all along your path. As you become aware of space even within crowded situations you will be surprised how much openness is always there. If the crowd gets to be too much remember you can always contact the sky to experience a glimpse of the infinite surrounding you. Putting your attention on your feet also can ground you and pull you down to the earth when you find yourself caught up in the bumrush.

Stay off your cellphones and don’t text when in crowded space. Do not stop on stairways to tie your shoes. Stay out of doorways on trains. Move to the middle of the platform and look for areas that don’t have as much bunching. When boarding buses don’t stand in the front doorway but rather move into the back where you won’t be jostled. The more you pay attention, learn to move with purpose but not speedily, and keep yourself calm the better your experience will be.

A proper commute into work is so important because it sets the tone for the rest of the day. Then on the way home it does the same for your time spent at home. Also stay away from people that appear like they are stewing in aggression or themselves oblivious to space. The best way to avoid trouble is to avoid the people that seem like timebombs ready to explode.

Let’s switch to concerts. Say you want to get to the front row because you absolutely adore the person performing. Once again if you get there early and camp out a spot you will have a better chance to get your coveted front and center spot. Keep in mind when putting yourself in the middle of crowds if it makes you nutty then you probably shouldn’t be there.

When entering the cluster forming around the stage don’t try to go through the center area via the back. The best way to get in is usually by walking along the side where it is less crowded and there is room to walk. Then once you have made it to about three to seven rows back (in a general admission standing crowd of course) begin making your way to the center. Once again look for the spaces, and aisles created by the people standing. If the show hasn’t started yet then get to a good mid-level spot and wait. Once the act goes on you can once again make a small surge forward towards the stage area.

Keep a pleasant demeanor as you navigate through the crowd. At shows people are there to have fun so the chances of them being receptive to you are greater if you are having fun. Once again stay away from people that are seeing the experience as territorial. I’ve noticed over the years there are tons of people that like to stake out ground, and put their foot out beyond their own body perimeter. I personally do not like that technique because you are causing people to have to step on you. This is what I consider a classic knucklehead move. I don’t want to investigate it any further but suffice it to say it is not one of my techniques.

Rather than bull through crowds of people I tend to wait until someone else decides to make that move and then I walk right behind them real close. To anyone in the crowd you appear to be with the person. In this case the bigger the person you are following the better.

Another technique I have seen work really well but that I personally don’t employ is the pretend you are security, a photographer, or bringing a drink to the band. All you have to do in these ploys is raise something above your head such as a drink, a camera, or even just your hand. Then you say something like “security, coming through” or “drinks for the band” or “press”

Another thing is have a sense of purpose. Put your eyes on the spot where you want to go and treat it like all you are going to settle for is getting to that spot. In my younger days I used to be a master at getting to the front row at general admission shows. The technique of getting from the second row to the first row is as follows. Be aware for openings, or people leaving their spot. Also if you can get just one arm on the fence in front of you then place it there. A lot of times people will give way and you can then take the space they create for you.

Another great way to create space is through dancing. When I dance I am not just vibing to the music but I am also making space. I flail my arms, and swing my feet. As people give me a little space, I move in and out of that area attempting to create a wider circumference. Often when you do this other people who like to dance will occupy your newly created circle with you, and then all of a sudden you went from a stale standing only environment to an open dancing expressive one.

When in moving crowds where you have little control of where you can go because the area is jam-packed then it is important not to move outside of the flow. Let the impetus of the crowd move you forward, and make directional adjustments once you leave the sardine situation.

And in closing enjoy the experience. Part of learning to enjoy our lives is learning to appreciate all aspects of it, including the mundane.

Please let me know if this has been helpful, if you have your own prized techniques, object to any of mine or would like me to expound further on any of this. Your input is appreciated.

Prophets of the Future

2010-05-24T16:41:00.001-07:00

Things become tumultuous and then they recede into stillness. The polarity of life swinging back and forth tells us that our dreams are real, and what we see as real is only a dream. The thoughts we hold in our head are the chalk that applies itself to the blackboard of externality. These are simple laws which hold great truth. The manifestation of this comes in many forms and is forever integrative in the present.

The dial-up memories of the past come to the surface of the mind like bubbles in a washing machine. Then the person having these thoughts has choice arise alongside their bubbling thoughts. Where does the next moment take us? We have limits to our choice bound by our karmic imprints but as we loosen the tethers these choices grow vaster. Being bound to our past becomes a blindfold into the vision of our present as it propels itself into the unknown future.

With powerful summoning we can take the lessons of the past, marry them to absolute knowing, and create roadmaps of the future. This is the work of the prophet or in modern times what we may call the futurist.

The prophet/futurist can operate in both the macro level as well as the micro level. They may also inhabit the interior realm or the exterior realm. These are basic opposites that should be acknowledged so that one knows in which space they are working.

Honestly I am not certain where this blurt just came from. What I do know is these words are a powerful signpost of our absolute nature.

Harmonizing Voices

2010-05-23T16:26:00.000-07:00

It’s been a crazy weekend with a slight break from the writer’s torrent and now I am back on the keys tapping along looking to unveil what’s souping around my brain. The Writing I’ve been doing this week has upped the intensity and brought a lot to the fore. The deep caverns of mind have really become unsettled. The calm of meditation is the antidote to getting too churned up in thought and that is the other component that needs to be focused on with direct awareness if I am going to keep riding this wave. Without my practice I feel caught up in the sea of thought. I usually don’t talk about my personal practice because it contains more tales of struggles and navigation through resistance

Being chained to silence and fearful of how people perceive me is a shackle I can’t afford. This is the swing of the pendulum that pulls me and tells me to work directly with situations as they present themselves. This type of openness is not to say that I need to roll out my painful neuroses and dump it on my audience. That’s irresponsible. In the next breath though I feel like my waterfall mind needs to aerate, and get walking around room.

Part of me sees this writing as too personal for many, or too self-obsessed, making a grand show of the life I am dealt, spinning endlessly over the same old ground. PhilB_108 tweeted a Tosh quote about dusting himself off and starting again. I feel like this is good medicine as I dust away the circumstances that have landed me here, and look to new ways of exploring the next stage of my life. The 21 day experiment that I have mapped out is only the beginning, from there I will move forward more structured and aware of the next step. I am not saying that I will exercise masterful control over all the nuances of my life, because that would be too much pressure. Perfection is not perfect because it isn’t human.

Then where do we stand when we look at the vast example of a Buddha or a Jesus Christ? I think this is the dilemma that is uniquely human. Becker goes down this ground in Denial of Death when he talks about our grand spiritual nature as compared with out stinky animal self. He paints man as a being sandwiched between the animal and the gods which is not very different from a surface reading of two of the six realms in the Tibetan system.

It is these cross-cultural comparisons and similarities that is making Campbell’s Hero with a 1,000 Faces such a powerful read for me this week. He has a gift of bringing together stories from everywhere and pinpointing their common elements so they form a clear picture. This was the goal of Becker in Denial of Death when he states his intention to harmonize the disparate voices shouting each other down for attention.

Nothing unsettles me more than the constant intellectual and spiritual rumblings which don’t take into account unifying principles. This is why I am so hesitant to take on labels, and firmly form specific identities. I strive to keep the doors open to all kinds of views and perceptions. My mind wants to bring together these seemingly at odds voices. Once I heard the poet Roger Bon Agard speak at a reading and he talked about leaving at the waistside the things that didn’t serve him. I can relate to this shedding of the useless, while keeping the nuggets that can help assemble a coherent map of experience relating to the intersections with the rest of the world.

This brings me to the question of, okay; you have a 21 day writer’s pact with yourself, sealed in the daily postings online in the form of a blog, then what? My girlfriend suggested writing articles and pitching them to magazines and websites to help me get started. In the past I thought of creating pamphlets that could be created on specific topics, and sold cheaply to begin gaining notoriety, and some meager pocket change for my toil. I begin to put this next phase into the workings of the current phase because I am big fan of process.

As I travel along I am open to keeping it transparent the way I wish so much of my world would be. I don’t like cover-ups, and hidden corners. I adhere to the path of openness, and bravery. Not taking the easy way but pushing the limits of consciousness and sharing the important discoveries along the way.

I want to participate in the game, and in the process find the other participants. I am okay with the fact that I sat on the sidelines for much of the way. Accepting the past in order embrace now will guide us into the mysterious future. There is many skillful ways to work with the mind, and the shadows that lurk beneath the surface. This is why I live my life as a grand experiment. My body and mind are my laboratory to understanding what is happening. We didn’t choose to be born. We start out here with a nightmare when we are thrust from the womb in trauma. The world gives us comfort but it also tears us to pieces. The trick is learning how to keep those pieces in tact long enough to develop along the evolutionary path continuing on in the journey of the physical into the final mystery. When we embrace life in such a way death no longer becomes a burden to be fearful of, but instead is just another door that we have to pass through in this life of ours.

I want it now

2010-05-22T08:49:00.000-07:00

Expectations are a hard pill to swallow. I put forth effort and expect to be gratified quickly. This occurs in my writing, music, exercise, meditation practice, and so on. I always seem to excel at work though. It appears to be the forced discipline of having to be at my desk all the time. When I am at home or wandering about the city I become scattered among the myriad of choices. At work I get done what needs to get done. When I am not producing I take the time to build processes that tweak the experience. Then if I am lucky enough to have time left over I use it to take a personal inventory, expressing myself through exploring the inner chambers of thought and feeling.

At home I get sidetracked, losing whole hours before realizing the day is waning. Simple tasks such as housecleaning or surfing online balloon into major time-consumers pushing the A-list items of my to-do list to the margins. This pattern takes place often in my life and yields frustration. I dislike running on the same ground over and over. This is the cyclical spin Buddhists call samsara.

Joseph Campbell in his book Hero with a 1,000 Faces talks about going in to the interior depths, resolving life’s great mysteries and return to the outer, physical world to complete the heroic impact. I never was a big fan of the word hero. In street language heroes are zeroes. This brings to mind when a friend of mine, Kev got confronted by a man attempting to stop him from breaking the window of a storefront. Kev hit him in the head with a hammer putting the man in a coma. The only thing that prevented Kev from a murder rap was that the guy held on to his life.

Telling that story pains me to think of such senselessness. What does someone get from breaking windows except acting out aggression better suited to feeding your higher self? Why did somebody who was doing the right thing have to get cut down and taken away from their family? To wrap up the story Kev went on to become a total gangsta after his time in jail. When I saw him later on he had adopted a full hood persona, replete with young sycophants. He told me he was doing real well, and counseling troubled kids (which seemed odd because I knew he hadn’t straightened himself out.) Later on I heard he moved into some heavy dirt. Then many years later my boy Stone resurfaced and told me Kev was gunned down by police in a raid at an after-hours joint.

It is time for a deep breath. I don’t like rehashing this stupid street stuff I chose to turn my back on so forcefully once I hit my stride in my late-twenties. These streets really eat you up. That’s why they say, America eats its young.

Oh how circuitous my writing becomes. As a writer I see the need to increase my focus and then carry it into the discipline of life. This is an integral part of my 21 day experiment, taking the lessons off the page, and into the world.

A few days ago I ran into a guy from my meditation center whom I hadn’t seen in awhile. He told me he had a book of mine, Geoffrey Canada’s Reaching Up for Manhood. Canada is someone that never gives up on the kids of the urban wasteland. In his book he recounts his growing up tale on the troubles of poverty, and hard living. He then tells about rising up, and transcending circumstances. Instead of moving out of the hood and living the excesses of success, he mentors kids in need. That is the hero Joseph Campbell talks about. It made me happy to be reminded of the work of Geoffrey Canada, and to hear my friend has chosen a similar road helping youth in need of mentoring.

I am pained when I think about our forgotten youth, shoved under the rug, or thrown in jail. This system is broke as we lock up ourselves to protect us from ourselves. We isolate people in ghettoes to kill each other while police swoop in after the fact to count bodies. Our legal system rewards arrests and convictions over prevention. Ambitious prosecutors are rewarded for how many people they pull into their dragnet whether guilty or not. Some cops are willing to break the law to get the “bad guys” feeling the end justifies the means. The sickness of the system plays out in countless examples so I will not grow exhaustive in their telling.

A quick flip through the television dial shows how pervasive this crime element is in our society and media. Look at hip-hop, the once proud music of rebellion for disenfranchised youth turned into a crass display of gangstas, pimps and hoes. My Orthodox Christian teacher used to tell me that the new trinity is guns, money, and sex. The rapper Paris referred to BET as nothing but muscles and tits.

I don’t feel like saying anymore about this topic right now. I must release from the misery played out in the theater of this page.

Pacifists Die Ignorant

2010-05-20T16:31:00.000-07:00

I sat quietly reading my book “A Hero with a Thousand Faces’ by Joseph Campbell during my lunch break taking in the deep powerful wisdom as it washed over me. In the process I felt balanced and whole. As I walked away from my quiet space amid the tumult of the city I reentered the crowded streets. As I entered I centered and allowed myself to connect with the Shambhala Windhorse, and Golden Key practices. Along the way I took in the sky, and buildings. I saw how the flags whipped in the wind, and how the world seemed so alive.

At the corner as I waited to cross the street I saw a Fire Truck in the bus lane honk loudly crashing in my ears and upsetting not only me but many of the people around us. I thought to myself what a better world it would be if the Police and Firemen obeyed the same laws that everyone else does to so they could provide a model of how to follow the laws, rather than taking an above the law attitude where they feel exempt from them.

I entered the bus lane about to cross forgetting that on 34th Street it is a funny light where one side stops early as traffic the other way is allowed to continue along for another 30 seconds or so. Because of this I got caught at the edge of the bus lane in the street, in traffic light limbo. I saw a man on a bike to my left ride up and stop at the red light. I thought to get out of his way in the split second that he approached but knowing he had a whole lane of space and I only had but a sliver which would have landed me closer to traffic I held my ground.

Well this set this man off. He said something about how he would have hit me if the cop wasn’t standing there. I didn’t see the cop so I don’t know what he was talking about, maybe he is referring to the cops stationed at the entrance of Penn Station. I stopped and listened to him, not saying a word. He got angrier and angrier, his words harsher and harsher. I was pretty shocked that I had created this disturbance in this man’s life, and of course the other 100 or so people watching it.

I stepped out of traffic and stood on the sidewalk to listen to the rest of his vitriol. He then got to a question about why I was standing on the sidelines all big and bad like I was going to do something but keeping a distance like a punk. This was the first and only words I spoke to him, “Because I am a pacifist, that’s why.”

He said “A pacifist, that’s why you are going to get yourself killed and die ignorant.” At this point he felt satisfied to ride off.

A man from the 34th street Development group that cleans up the streets for the business in the area was approached by another man who said “Man, with all this heat people are starting to get crazy. You got to watch yourself out here.”

I interjected, “you got that right.” He ignored me like I wasn’t even standing there, as though he was having a private conversation about a personal incident that didn’t involve me at all.

The guy cleaning the street said “I know.”, and together they laughed.

A young guy came over to say hello to the street cleaner, and saw me still standing there and said “You just got sparked son.” Finally somebody was acknowledging I existed, and didn’t seem like they wanted to kill me.

I said “Sparked, how you figure?”

He turned to the street cleaner and said “Let me get out of here before I get into trouble.”

And there I was standing there alone with a thousand people contemplating what I had just experienced. Many things went through my head as I slowly walked back to the office. What triggered him? Was it the battle for space in a crowded city? Did he feel like I showed him up by standing my ground? Was my silence and open hearted listening unnerving him further? Was it my white skin? Was it my business attire? Did it escalate for him because he didn’t get the reaction he expected? Or is it something that has nothing to do with me, and merely baggage he brought to the situation? I will not even attempt to answer any of those questions. These are things better left unsaid.

As a funny little epilogue I went back to my office and as I was getting into the elevator there were some people blocking the entrance as they pushed their floors. I was trapped in the doorway and a bike messenger said watch yourself as he pushed the door open button.

I said to him “I know you’re in a rush.”

He said, “No, I just don’t want you to get your foot stuck in the doorway.”

I said “thanks, pardon me I just got lit up by a bike messenger a few minutes ago.”

He said “Well you won’t get that from me. Don’t pay attention to that man. He don’t mean nothing. Enjoy your day.”

I said “Actually he does matter, and that’s why I listened to him and you have a great day too.”

Space is the Place

2010-05-20T16:28:00.000-07:00

I have given myself a lot of walking around space in the interior realms. Seeing the space created in my heart even as I sit in cubicles trapped in the mundane repetitive tasks of modern business, with specialization, and assembly line structures; I realize firsthand the power of both the interior realms, as well as the exterior realms. Space is the place, as Sun Ra used to say. Of course he wasn’t just talking about the space contained here in our earthly realm; he was talking about the infinite universe. Trungpa talks about space all the time too. Space is the component that makes it possible to breath. If we don’t find the space to exist then we suffocate.

Getting out and strutting into the world can happen in the physical plane and can also happen in the mental slash imaginative realms as well. As a matter of fact in the interior realms the limits of physics is stripped from the driver of the vehicle. Once we enter our heads possibilities open up into the infinite realms. There is nothing we can’t do once we take control of the engine of mind, and give it room to move.
This is a window into what we are talking with when we deal with the Law of Attraction. As we open up into the open possibilities of the inside world, we then make these things take effect in the external environment. This is the relationship that happens between mind and matter. Our mind has powerful energy that directly influences the physical plane.

The place I find that trips people up is when they start asking for things that are not going to ultimately make them happy, or are asking for things that are just beyond the scope of science. Yes, we have amazing capacities, and so much of that has been buried from discovery. But no, we are fooling ourselves if we leave reality and embark on a journey that doesn’t take full recognition of cause and effect, and the Law of Emptiness. This is the danger I see in the literature that has sprouted up around the Law of Attraction since the publication of the Secret. A book by the way that I refused to purchase because I don’t like the way they are marketing deep wisdom. You lose my vote when you present a system that appears to prey on people’s desires without explaining properly all of the tools and dangers of working with these powerful energies.

It seems like the equivalent of taking a 5 year old, teaching them the rudiments of language, and then sending straight to college to study the higher aspects of language. We must monitor the flow of information, and insure that handle it responsibly. We don’t want to pick up a hitchhiker and then drop him or her off on the dodgiest corner of town and say good luck. No we want to pick up the hitchhiker, find out where they want to go and then make sure they are not sending themselves into a lion’s den.

It brings to mind some of the issues I had in high school as I fell through the cracks of the system only to be brought into a guidance counselor’s office to be grilled on where I am going wrong. The pep talk I got still echoes in my brain. Here was this man who in my young mind had a good job. He was the dean of the department and well respected in the school itself. He told me that if I kept screwing around with my education I would end up with a crappy career like him. In some ways I appreciated his honesty but in other ways I felt like his advice was irresponsible. I was a kid in deep need of mentoring and guidance, and he was telling me don’t screw up like he did. I still don’t know exactly what he means exactly.

It made a little more sense to me when once as I sat waiting for the train an MTA maintenance guy began cleaning around my feet. He grumpily told me not to end up like him, doing something he hates, surrounded by trash, and with no chance of escape. I mean coming from him it makes a bit more sense than it does from the head of a department of one of the best public high schools in the nation. This gives a warped view success. He didn’t know about the problems because they never got to the table. All he offered was don’t screw up like me.

This brings to mind a story told by Alex Haley in Malcolm X’s biography when a teacher asks the class what they want to be when they grow up. Young Malcolm tells the class he wants to be a lawyer, and the teacher tells him to strive something more appropriate for a black man in this society. I guess in his closed world view he couldn’t see past the current social state in the world, and that eventually we would have many black lawyers.

It pains me to think about how badly the opinions of adults screw up kids. I thank my mother for shielding me from her hang-ups. She seemed to be saying “Look this world has contaminated me, but I want you to have a fresh start, so I am not going to contaminate you with wrong views.” At the core she released me from the bounds of wholesale ignorance and closed-in forms of thinking that I see other parents inflict upon their children. Whether it is gender roles, racial views, political leanings, religious beliefs, you see over and over parents push their ways on kids without giving them a fresh start to carry-on beyond the tight structure of “this is how it is, how it will always be, and you will be better off the sooner you realize it.” This robs the child freedom to explore their identities. No wonder there is so much rebellion in our youth.

Life, the only game I got

2010-05-19T17:32:00.001-07:00

Day 5 of the grand blog experiment continues, and I must say many things have come to the fore. I am circling around so many thoughts, and found that I have got sucked into what may be seen as a cynical trap. In order to insure the balance needed to maintain perspective I have decided to address my skepticism, and what could be seen as negativity. Let’s just say I am an extremely positive person disillusioned by the nature of this world I’ve lived in. I always felt a bit like an outsider, lost my dad at 5, an only child, raised by a mother with mental illness. These things seemed to be a big part of what formed me. Then you have the tumultuous years of my teens. There was outright rebellion, and disgust with the world. I identified with angry voices at odds with society. This culture seemed so fake, and lacking in substance. There is the feeling that something is not right, and nobody wants to acknowledge it.

As a city dweller I got pushed away from nature, and it pained me. I feel like a country boy trapped in a city boy’s body. Thank goodness my mother sent me to a wonderful summer camp, Shire Village, which gave me the respite from the traffic of urban life and helped form my sensitivities that allowed me to become the grounded balance person I claim to be.

Balancing the masculine and feminine is such an important component of either sex. When I go into this topic I am brought to the idea that it is not fair to put people in these gender boxes. I hated being put there growing up. As a sensitive young man I felt like I had to fight my way out of situations and all because I wasn’t a tough guy. I did have the eye of the tiger way about me. There is something in me that is much bigger than my stature, as evidenced by all the big dudes I scuffled with in my younger days. In many ways I had no fear. On these streets they call it a big heart. You could see it in the way I played basketball, jumping for rebounds alongside taller foes, diving for balls that were about to go out. I remember once a guy asked why I was playing with such intensity in a meaningless game. I told him that is the only way I played. I never got into organized sports so for me this was the ONLY game.

I punished my body, whether it was in fights, mosh-pits; kill the man with the ball, or basketball games. I got jumped twice, mugged a few times, and also almost died on the train tracks, and another time hit by a car when I fell on a median while rushing to get across the street. I also got shot by a pellet gun a few years ago and that really woke my ass up.

A week after getting shot twice, one an inch from my groin, and the other in my rear as I turned to brace myself I went on a month long retreat (dathun), changing my dressings three times a day, and sitting in a chair for the first week because I couldn’t keep my legs bent on the cushion. A woman in front of me had a pinched nerve and had to keep lying down to sit. I could really see her discomfort as she kept trying to lessen the pain, and find relief.

After I got shot by a young kid probably more scared than me. I charged him like a bull and he scattered. This is the way I have always dealt with life, going right at it when the pressure builds. This is the type of intensity I have always had, and it also the intensity I bring to my rhymes.

As a rapper I never fit in to the box they like to place these sorts in. I became a firebrand in secret, and never wanted people to know what I was up to. In the early days I was terrible and didn’t care. I was what I call a cat in the hat rapper because of the simplicity of my rhymes. Over time my styles became more complex, the topics I covered vaster, and the release I got from it more profound. Over the years I can cite my rhymes as a lifesaver. Besides my never-ending quest for spirit, knowledge, and self-improvement, that is the one constant. I passed though many forms of music as a fan, but as a performer it has always been rhymes, and dancehall reggae. The passion for the art never leaves me. Now as I look back at how little I shared this talent I feel like in a way I have been selfish. Part of that is because people didn’t appreciate what I was doing, and thus I felt like they didn’t deserve it.

As a matter of fact I eventually began to introduce my rhymes with, “I’m gonna bless y’all” I really feel like that is what it is like when you summon these powerful energies, put them to a point, and just give it to people with no concept of if it is good, are they going to like it, or any of that peripheral stuff. No, I was giving the gift, and it comes from the absolute space, not the relative space, and in that way it is hard to define.

As life went along I have found pockets of people that appreciate my talent. And I also have had small victories on stage where I turned around crowds that were so caught up in how white, and un-hip-hop I looked, not ready for the explosion of words, and feeling that smothered the room. I am used to being the one overlooked, who once given the opportunity to express myself takes people out of their reference points and into a state of shock. My art and my talent always felt personal, and thus only got shared with those that matter to me.

Although I don’t fear being straight up and open, I hate being stifled and part of that is because I know how claustrophobic it feels. I also know when I tell people these stories they tend to get immersed in these tales. I’ve been through a lot and have a lot to share. I feel like so many people have had experiences like these that can identify with, even if it is not the details, but the emotions associated with it.

I have a lot to offer people and there are a lot of shy, introverted people like me who need to escape from their mental prisons and in that way I can be a model to them. I know when you express yourself it can be dangerous to people, who become quick to judge. Many people place moral overlays on situations, not allowing their depth to sink in. I see this over and over. The world seems immersed in a surface game and the deep ones are the ones that get pushed to the margins. People don’t like to be reminded that they are scared to death, and that their lives may very well be losing meaning as they move forward.

In the land of publishing where we have catchphrases and polish, the real stuff seems swept away by smiles, and false composure. I know there are people out there who really are walking their talk and are really doing their thing but I feel like they need to be unearthed, held to scrutiny, and evaluated to prove they cut the mustard. I put myself in the public eye through this social media vein ready to be evaluated and scrutinized. What I see all too often is that the people putting on this happy, composed face don’t want to get dirty mentally wrestling in a verbal gymnasium where many of their sanitized, cleaned out concepts will be challenged.

I think of the Law of Attraction study I did. When you hear about “The Secret People” they are told not to expose themselves to negative influences. They seem to be whitewashing their lives with false perceptions and not seeing things for what they really are.

I too want to improve my life, and focus on the good. I too want to stay in touch with my goals and all that other good stuff, but I am not going to ignore the people that need me. There is a gap between so many segments of society and so many people fall into a narcissistic game. I don’t want to be sucked into that. Well as I look over what I have just written I realize once again that my anger has not truly subsided, and that my version of positivity comes from seeing the negative, and getting activated mentally. I can only keep travelling on this road to authenticity, challenging the norms, and creating new integrative spaces as I see them.

The Corporate Lie

2010-05-18T16:09:00.001-07:00

Havener talks about how organizations become no longer viable, and operate as virtual dinosaurs on the playing field of the marketplace once they get trapped in the normative phase. He states bluntly that it is death to the system. He stresses the need for open systems to stay current with the changes of day to day interactions. Using the example of nature one sees how it is a naturally integrative force constantly adapting to its present environment and restructuring to suit these ever-changing developments.

The thrust of the article is why corporations are not able to attract talented people. Corporations are lamenting that they have more ideas than they can implement because they just don’t have the talent needed to make them come alive. That brings a tear to my eye when I think of that. Here I am sitting at a desk, working at a job that allows me to examine the high falootin’ structure of organizations and systems. I am careful not to share this information with the powers that be because I know that they don’t want to hear it. I know that in the past when I brought good ideas to the plate they were shoved under the rug. In various forums as I tried to get the suggestions into the right hands I was met with roadblocks. I’ve been told on more than one occasion that I am expressing myself in situations that are not appropriate to discuss these things. I realized that as an open system thinker I became a threat to the status quo, and needed to be kept in my place. I even went so far as be invited to a closed door meeting to discuss some of these feelings and ideas I had, only to be told “although I can listen to you. I can’t necessarily tell you what you want to hear.” When I challenged what are the incentives we are operating within this organization other than not getting fired, or demoted, I was given an empty smile.

And this brings me to my feelings as a corporate serf which is the Corporate Lie. I really got hot under the collar thinking about this false meritocracy we are handed. I used to read Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich, and although I do give merit to many of his ideas, there are some things that are just so wrong, and one of the key ones is that if you work hard within the corporate system, you will be rewarded for your efforts. As an actor in the system I have all too often had opposite effects. If you uphold their normative structure, by following their rules, and putting a smiling face, suit and tie, shave your beard, and play the role, only then will you be rewarded by the closed system.

Now we are rolling up into the key points of my thoughts. Here we have what I have dubbed the Corporate Lie. This is the nonsense management feeds you to keep the structure as it is. They don’t want to make the changes needed to keep things alive.

Good Ideas, Bad Results

2010-05-18T14:59:00.000-07:00

While online last Friday I stumbled upon a review for a book called, Meaning: The Secret of it All by Cliff Havener, and proceeded to read the first 3 chapters which are available online at www.forseekers.com. The book begins with the following epigraph:

“There was only one catch and that was Catch 22, which specified that a concern for one’s own safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind…Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn’t, but if he was sane he had to fly them. If he flew them he was crazy and didn’t have to; but if he didn’t he was sane and had to.” – Joseph Heller

He uses the idea of Catch 22 to unify his ideas around developing good ideas only to become frustrated by the futility of getting people to help make them a reality. The tales he tells would be funny if it were fiction like Catch 22, but it is frightening when you realize they’re real and that they happen in the world of corporate decision makers. He demonstrates how managers in corporations become so bound to the rules and procedures that they lose sight of the original intent. He advises that once a system loses its meaning it breaks down.

Could this be what we are witnessing with the current Facebook privacy debacle? With this not being my point I will leave this question for you to ponder, and rather move on.

What is my point then? My point is about staying current, and in the flow of things, not becoming an archaic machine, a cog in a big system that has lost its identity and purpose. I’m not going to end up there, and I don’t want the people I come into contact to end up there either. We got to pull together, and make sensible choices based on meaning, and ride the fluid ever-changing circumstances with sense, and purpose, if we lose this I am afraid we lose ourselves.

Another striking thing about Havener’s approach is how reluctant he is to use certain words because of their cultural baggage. For example, when he wants to talk about the immaterial aspect of phenomena he settles for “spirit” albeit reluctantly. He details this by investigating some of the connotations in the religious, and metaphysical sphere.

I relate to Havener’s language dilemma, because I often struggle with this. I had a teacher Father Max who would sometimes lug around huge dictionaries to our lesson, and tirelessly define even the simplest terms until he was satisfied we were talking about the same thing. I also see it played out in the writing of Trungpa who brought so many new forms of thought to a vastly different culture than where it started from. He didn’t want to get trapped in closed-view definitions that could lead to grave misinterpretations. This is why he often used terms borrowed from psychology over the religious realms. I found Fabrice Midal does a good job exploring this in the Trungpa biography. Trungpa had a unique ability to apply the poets heart to an in-depth analysis of how the mind works, and how we experience reality.

Transitioning from a goal to a habit

2010-05-17T16:43:00.001-07:00

In keeping with the advice of Luna June I am posting here everyday for 3 weeks to create the habit to carry me to the next stage of my writing goals. Consistency is a crucial bridge toward getting things done. Lack of consistency and getting sidetracked is a pattern so easy to fall into, but I can’t be content with a couch potato lifestyle so I must make this leap. My goals as a writer are not entirely defined at this juncture, but my desire is enough to propel me on my journey. The immediate action is what is important and the road opens up from there. It is in the process that all the magic happens. Planning situations is only a starting point, and the movement is what brings it together. I long gave up constantly drumming my head with a steady diet of self-help materials, after they became messengers of self-helplessness. The messages became less and less relevant as I saw the wealth and power games of success touted by the money gurus as lacking what I truly needed. I saw how these same people churn out more and more books, vaguely different from the last one they published, or hardly unique to the other’s in their field. Even the preachers are in the game, with the prosperity doctrine of Joel Osteen and Creflo Dollar. They claim God wants us to prosper, as if God was a capitalist. I am bewildered to think that it is so simple. My heart sees this as hollow.

I can’t tell you what God wants in terms of capitalism, because I don’t see the world in that way. I am a realist, trapped in a real world, with real problems. This is how I think.

I ended up in the realm of Buddhism when I fell in with the Shambhala teachings of Trungpa. I snuck in through the back door. Trungpa’s secular vision rang true to me, after reeling from the top down approach I got growing up Catholic. I needed answers and my Sunday school teacher wasn’t ready to supply them. I fell in love with American Indian thought through Black Elk, and Ishi, but didn’t see many places to turn to learn firsthand these teachings. It seemed the early settlers all but wiped out these noble people, marginalizing their descendants to reservations to be drunks and live off the dole. I know this is an oversimplification but you get the idea. The bottom line is that this Irish kid from the Bronx felt stuck by what the world was offering my hungry soul.

To Be Continued…

Joe Mangrum vs. The Veggie Pride Parade

2010-05-16T11:34:00.000-07:00

Today I decided to go to Union Square Park which I resisted coming to yesterday. I am sitting beside Joe Mangrum, as he works. Right now he looks over his work deciding where to go with it. He picks up a large Ziploc full of orange sand and gets down on his padded knees to apply it. The wind is kicking up around me and the people are everywhere. One artist sets up for the day, as the early birds are already well into their day. The time is about 12:30, the sun is beating down and I am caught up in the experience.

Out on the road cabbies block each other out and create dissonant symphonies of honking like angry geese. Joe is working so I leave him alone left to wonder where I fit into all of this. Today in order to exercise my writer’s art I’ve latched onto another artist, one I recognize as already deep in his flow, experiencing mystery.

As people come to see the dance of sand, color, and concrete I see the fascination in their eyes. This is magic in everyday life and many of us are able to see it, vividly. Still reeling from yesterday when a dam broke open from inside me causing energy pour out. I can’t stop it even if I was foolhardy enough to try.

Joe’s look captures a cross between concentration, and the dance with the muse. He wears a brimmed straw hat that protects him from the sun. His arms are darkened from all the time spends being fed by the sun, his art, and the people.

On his back is Mickey Mouse shirt with Mickey in football regalia circa the 1920’s, charging forward with with a stiff-arm, and a smile. I contemplate the rampant consumerism I've grown to identify with Mickey Mouse. As a child Mickey Mouse brought me pure joy, and magic. Now as I've seen how corporations can be corrupted I no longer can look at Mickey Mouse with the same innocence and wonder. Even the term Mickey Mouse has come to mean small and inconsequential, in the usage of expressions like “Don’t give me none of that Mickey Mouse stuff.”

Meanwhile, Joe takes out the maroon sand, the deep color the Tibetans are so fond of. He stops to introduce himself, mentioning his portfolio, art book, and mailing list. He is a professional artist who accepts donations which enable him to travel around NYC and share his work. He began this piece around 11:30 AM and will be at it all day, and into nightfall. The diameter right now is 3-4 feet and the sand painting will grow to 15-20 feet in diameter.

A homeless man just walked past me whom I remember well. I used to say hi to him, but grew tired of always being asked for money. I gave him some money but the act drove me away. That and the fact he never seemed to remember me from visit to visit. It is very common for the people that I meet on the street not to remember from visit to visit.

Now there are five children sitting on the floor around Joe. He continues working on his act of creation, or as Buckminster Fuller would prefer, his act of invention. He circles around getting the kids to give way a little. The crowds increase and I lose my view, only to have it return like the game played between clouds and the sun.

Joe tells the people surrounding him that he is on Facebook and Twitter, that he is available to answer questions, and they can come back as it grows, and becomes more detailed. A woman asks if she can photograph his work, and he says he would appreciate a donation. She freezes as her camera dangles from her neck strap.

Now we move to green and a man with a camera advises that The Veggie Pride Parade is about to come right through here. Joe says “No it’s not.” and flashes his smile. At this point we are surrounded. A woman allows her scarf to lightly brush the newly created maroon lines. A baby carriage comes awfully close.

Joe exclaims, “Carrot Power.”, and wakes the very baby that moments ago the onlooking mom told me not to wake. Joe looks at the newly woken baby and smiles saying, “You like carrots don’t you?”

A woman dressed as a cow walks by. Joe asks the Veggie paraders to drop a dollar in his bag as they go. Here comes the Woodstock Farm Animal Sanctuary banners and I think of my creative cohort Norm Robot who did video work for them. A young girl gives me a flyer for the Catskill Animal Sanctuary in Saugerties. A man with an anarchist’s bandanna covering his face hangs with the pack, and I wonder if he is in costume, or if he really needs to hide his identity.

A woman with a torch and a fruit basket crown takes photographs. Another cow, this one with googly eyes stands by the sand painting to be photographed. Kids play right beside me, and mama tells her son whose name sounds like Matisse that he has only a minute left before they go play.

Joe applies the deep cerulean blue over the sky-blue, highlighting both sides. Matisse who only had a minute whines to his mom that he wants to go. I begin to wonder how many people have stepped all over Joe’s work. And decide when I actually talk to him I will ask.

The crowds have left and I hear the veggie people congregated out in the distance. They seem a bit excited, but it is not entirely convincing. The rush hour has left, as the parade settles down. I take a moment to appreciate the clouds, taking them in. I notice how important it is to Joe’s work to block out his space.

Joe asks me what I’m writing and I tell him a little bit of this-pointing to his work, and a little bit of that-pointing to everything else. I remind him that we already met. He says it is hard for him to get to know new people. I remark this is why I give him space. Inside I acknowledge to myself, “I know exactly what you mean.”

He tells me about what he calls the Zombie Hour when after work people on their commute home, so caught up in their cell phones, and texting will walk right into his work. He makes a crazy face to demonstrate to me how oblivious people can be. He says a step won’t do much damage, but a shuffle can really cause mayhem. He also recounts how it is better to just let them keep going once they have entered the piece because in a state of panic they only mess it up more. There is a metaphor here but I am not going to head there.

I told him that yesterday I wrote indoors, and today I am doing it out here. I tell him that I saw his tweet and came out to soak up some of his artistic energy to fuse with my thoughts.

Our conversation ends and I go back to my notebook. I got the idea to write in public from reading the work of Julia Cameron and Natalie Goldberg where they suggest leaving the house, going into cafes, beaches, parks, and wherever else. The textures of thought change as the spaces the writer inhabits change as well. I am here testing out their theories.

The orange is now taking its place bordering both sides of the maroon, as I notice a maroon sweatshirt in the crowd with patterns not so different than Joe’s work. I wonder if this person even notices the connection. Earlier Joe commented that he really likes this one, and I agree. I wonder if I could even tell the difference between his best work, and a run of the mill offering.

Now he covers the green with the sky blue, and circles the work completing the rotation. In my head the song Disco Ball, Spin Around, Spin Around from Saucy Monky plays. An old man says with amazement to his companions, “It’s so perfectly symmetrical.” A young man oblivious is halted seconds before he slams headlong into one of the edges of the work. Luckily Joe is standing right there and is able to stop him. He flashes his patented smile, and I think how patient you must have to be to work with sand.

I stand up and say, “I’ll catch you later Joe.”

Joe smiles and replies, “I heard that before. It’s just that people snap a picture, and then they’re gone.” He is referring to the part of his introduction he just ran through where he says he would appreciate a donation if you take a picture. Caught up in the moment I don’t realize until later this is his office and he needs financial support in order to keep volunteering to come to work everyday.

I am home now and will go back later after I post this piece because not only do I want to see the work further along but also because I owe this hard-working Joe a couple of bucks.

Wikipedia Entry: Joe Mangrum

Video from Ovation TV: SandmanNYC

Are you ready to begin with me?

2010-05-16T08:07:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I stepped out on the edge of the pier not to jump off, but to look. I wanted to see something out here in the wide open, and strangely enough it didn’t require me physically to go anywhere at all. I thought maybe I needed to escape from my four wall asylum, but then I realized I had no place to go. The idea of sitting in a park, or wandering around the city felt like it wasn’t going to fill the form for me. I knew the walls that I was climbing were not necessarily the walls of my small Brooklyn apartment, but rather these were the walls I built inside my head. I also knew that time on the cushion could provide an answer to my unsettled nature, but my mind/body wouldn’t bring me there. The words needed a place to rest that wasn’t jumbled in my brain. It is like weary travelers that can’t stretch their legs. Nobody wants to be buried alive, heaped in thoughts, and shackled to wanting more. Accepting things as they are only seems to work when it is paired with insightful action. My pen needed to do some walking, or in this case, my fingers had to do some key-tapping, and this is exactly what went down.

My mind let the thoughts rush out like a waterfall, not worried if they made sense, not caring how they were going to be received. I knew that if the discomfort I was feeling was going to be dealt with then it was going to happen in the breeze of words. I got my get out of jail free card, and it felt like a wind of joy rushing over me, through me. Now a day later I am still basking in that glow. I saw something, even if it is brief, and transitory, I know I glimpsed it. That tricky bugger of realization showed me its face, before it quickly recessed back into the forest to be rediscovered on another bright and shiny day when frustration turns itself around, becoming the opposite of itself. In The Kybalion it talks about the pendulum swing of polarities, and how in any extreme, one can quickly turn the situation on its head, and access its opposite equivalent. In some ways I have always been applying such work with polarities by turning frustration and disappointment into wisdom and joy on the spot. This is what happened for me yesterday, developing out of a natural progression of being there and doing what feels right. Stepping into the flow is such a powerful act, and can’t be faked. You got to really do it. In the flow I rest as Lovenunrg said with “May you flow” in her comment. Between the encouragements of her, Luna June, Jack Daw 41 and Tom Y. Howe I felt supported. Then when my girlfriend Cinde came home I shared my experiences, and she seemed really excited.

Part of me fears falling into the trap of ego, by arriving on my high horse proclaiming greatness, and shouting about some small victory as if it is so important. As Jack Daw said in his comment, it really shows you with perspective how small things can appear like big things. As I recount this tale of my scraping out of a self-imposed jail I think of the tender quality needed to allow oneself to activate, and be the genuine article. What comes to mind is a brief conversation with Duff McDuffee on twitter where he mentioned the cultural constraints of authenticity, and how when society tells you to be yourself, it creates a paradox of seeking acceptance while attempting to remain true to yourself. I thought to myself real authenticity trumps the cards played by society. I shouted no, we don’t have to be stuck in their game, trapped in the clutches of conditioning, forced to rely on old thoughts, and be stuck with the wants and desires of our culture. I thought of absolute realities that go deeper, and speak of authenticity that doesn’t come from a book or some expert. No, this has to come in another way, and once accessed it has to be nurtured like any other seed you want to grow.

Cause and effect is so basic yet profound. It is easy get caught up in exotic words like karma, and lose its deep well of meaning. As a poet I have always had a window into the way words vibrate genuine representations of what they attempt to represent. I see their power, and in the same breath I see how quickly they can fail us. I don’t want my words to fail me, or you. I want these expressions to help become guides of truth and understanding, to come forth as actual expressions of the reality they point at.

As I write today the words are not coming as easily as they arrived yesterday but I venture forth. There is no place to go as I burn the bridge that circles back to non-creation, and step out into the fresh air. The stale space I inhabit grows useless. I notice that coping mechanisms stick around long after they have outgrown their usefulness. Our jobs are to recognize this and forge new habits which in the future we will have to discard all over again. It brings to mind trees as they shed their leaves in preparation for the long winter, only to arrive back in all their glory the following spring. Renewal is good stuff, and my heart sheds a tear when I think of my fellow travelers trapped with no desire to escape. I know what it feels like to be claustrophobic, stuck in your own stink, unable to escape. And I also know what it means to leave that space and to walk out into the world and say, “here I am”. In closing I feel compelled to not put an end to this exploration at all but rather to point to the beginning, a true beginning, an authentic journey. So I ask, are you ready to begin with me?

Haunted by Indecision: Getting all emo up in the piece

2010-05-15T17:05:00.000-07:00

I’m fed up with the spin-cycle experience I am having on Twitter. I get this spinning my wheels sensation and the thrill has left me. Now I have long looked upon the social media landscape as somewhat fascinating, similar to how I have looked at so many things in this world as completely fascinating. The world in my head is a vast place and I realize in so many ways I am yet to truly share or activate so many aspects of it. Up until now I have contented myself with a periphery view of life, and allowed my dreams to sink in and out my consciousness with little of the persistent discipline that is needed to take my aspirations into the next level of outward fruition. In a tantric way I keep being forced to arrive back at the present moment to build back up something that resembles what I am looking for. As I look once again at the path of bridging my desire, accepting my present reality, and setting my ship in the direction I want to go, it forces me to take an inventory of the whole kit and caboodle.
I realize as I allow myself to express the thoughts that are rolling around in my brain in such a disjointed fashion that I got to get on the keyboard and type away what is up there. I have done so much writing of the spontaneous sort, and in many ways have given myself a tremendous gift in the process. The issue that comes up is that there is sense of wanting more, of feeling disappointment, of getting side-tracked. I get so damn frustrated with the repetitive cycle of not moving forward.
Now in some ways this is an illusion because I am moving forward all the time. My anger which once could spiral out of control with little urging has become quieted. As I look at the accomplishments that I have made I see that once something happens that I wanted, the thing soon becomes a shoddy replacement for the next thing I am looking to experience. This acquisitive attitude is more the problem than any means to the solution. I look at all the advice out there and see so much of it as not speaking directly to me. So many of the people around me who are the so-called experts are feeding me partial views based on worldly success and this seems to fall far from the mark. What is this constant disillusionment I am experiencing? I wonder aloud with you today because I want answers, and I mean ones that really satisfy my brain, not quick First Noble Truth ones about suffering and the path to liberation. Don’t waste your time telling me that stuff. I already bought in on that plan. What I need is real practical stuff, and I daresay that there is probably very little chance that it will come from the advice of others anyway.
Being the adult version of a once smart kid, I got the information logged. It is the experiential nature of things that conquers me sometimes. As I begin to open up and say to hell with it, this is what you got, and this is where I am at, I see the danger. I have always been willing to put myself out there in radical ways. I have always found ways to test my limits and test my experiences so I know that I don’t need to completely reinvent myself.
Actually what I need to do is write. I need to communicate, and I need to do it outside not only of that needling “need” insisting that arrives, as I continually second-guess my use of language and keep trying to put things in the right context with the right understanding. Communication is such a challenging thing because language can mean so many things to us in so many instances that some days silence makes so much more sense. I jabber endlessly to my girlfriend and attempt to express myself to her. I am so thankful for her endless patience with me even though it probably stresses her so much of the time.
I maintain opinions about everything and one of my odd gifts is that I can spot when things are wrong so quickly. My gift feels like a curse and I now feel like I am breathing in a claustrophobic box, but at the same time I do not want to leave. So here you have it, my emo approach to the whole thing and a rant about the frustration of the dissatisfied creative. Gosh I’m sure we hear this spiel so much before. And of course we have the other extreme which is to hide the frustrations we feel, and put on a good face. My heart yells bullshit when I think of that approach. I know that all of this seemingly “on the ball” folks can’t really be so on the ball as they seem because all you have to see is all the suicides, addiction, anger, mistreatment of each other, all the overblown egos, narcissists and self-referential folks around us.
I step out of my cocoon into the light ever so hesitantly not entirely sure what it is that I am getting at, but also with a sense that I am most definitely getting at something. I see that I don’t have to wait to find something to write about. Nor do I have to craft a perfect piece. Nor do I have to take my innermost thoughts and bury them in a journal somewhere. What I can, and apparently am about to do is make my clarion call to be released from my cerebral prison. Yes it will come through my practice as well. But I see that it needs to come out of my writing. Talking yesterday with Twitter User Luna June about what I needed to do made me see once again that I got to roll out my mind like a carpet and begin welcoming the world in. I can’t let fear of feedback, being ignored, or any of the sorts stop me. I can’t hide it. I am here to take advantage of the nature of the world wide web, and take advantage of the fact that as far as I know you will still not be thrown in jail for expressing how you feel. I got to scream, and roar like the Leo Lion that I am. I am ready to yell, but not in a way of releasing anger like some nouveau primal scream therapy, no this is the roar of recognizing I am me. I see when I write how the words come out as quickly as they arrive in my head, and then when they hit the paper they have a basic coherence, a basic underlying logic that is good. I see that I can let loose the cannon in ways that so many of my peers day to day never even begin to let themselves do.
One interesting mini-awakening that came the other day was while reading Midal’s biography of Trungpa where he explains how “first thought, best thought”, Is not crudely talking about just the first thing that arrives in your head as that first thought, but that it is the first good thought that comes form the relaxed or enlightened state, finding the pure thought. I was so struck by that because as someone who navigated thought most of the Artist Way program, free wrote a storm, have been free styling rap since my mid-teens, and all the other ways I have been able to openly express in the fire of the moment, that I am questioning if I ever consistently arrived at a "first thought" in the sense Midal framed it. But here we go again saying okay yes all those things happened and now we got to move on. We got to gather it all together, and in the process rest with this constant ”need” and “got to” thing that always seems to surface. In many ways I feel haunted by all of the success and personal development literature I immersed myself in as I voraciously went about conceptually grasping this “whole thing” and turn my dreams into ways to make money, or ways to be a focal point of others. I wanted to be successful. I wanted to achieve things, but now as I look at what does that mean the thing unravels a bit.
I have gone from distrust of money, success, and the wealthy to wanting those things, to now just wanting to be free in a Rudolf Steiner or Krishnamurti sense. I want to be released from the bounds of all this frustration, or in the very least be okay within the bounds of frustration if that is the place I really am at. Well now I must stop, and not worry so much about my results. The results will always still be here, it is the engaged attitude within the process that drives its message home to my space station. Give me authenticity, keeps ringing in my head from a song that comes on my internet radio often. I don’t even know what song it is, but nevertheless it haunts me. Today I really do feel like I am being haunted. So be it, now ends my rant.

Time Jockey

2010-03-05T13:28:00.000-08:00

Beyond the state of perpetual fear comes the steadiness of discipline applied over time. Repetition is how we perfect our masterpiece of life. We become an evolving work of art ripe for play at every moment. As we see the road ahead of us, we plan as needed without getting caught up in the process. We learn to focus intently and dissolve our overlays by taming our mind. Time is our friend always moving us into fresh situations. As we receive these gifts each day we take advantage by engaging in the actions that we have discovered mean the most to us.

Afraid for our lives

2010-03-05T12:11:00.000-08:00

Fear paralyzes action or causes you to commit foolhardy ones. We can’t get hampered by our fears as we move forth in our search for the building blocks in the chain of our life. Each interconnected moment unfurling before our eyes needs to be treated with a gentle crispness that is not bogged down in the muck of fear. The way to work with our fear is to begin noticing when it arises. We can see it come to us like a tug inside, making us scared about some thing or another. This is the crucial moment when we begin loosening our habitual patterns and break into more expansive territory. The jockey rides with his horse as one similar to a hand in a glove and this is how you must ride your emotions. Be one with the fluctuations all the while not identifying too strongly with its projections. The stairway that presents itself before you will reward for your efforts but it this is no great concern of yours. You move into this gradual awakening with insights that form the very marrow of your life. Once you move into this arena like a gladiator fighting his way towards knowing there is no turning back. The only difference is that this is a peaceful journey and the arena is open space.

Find the Others

2010-03-05T10:41:00.000-08:00

As an only child I became unnecessarily independent. I also became shy and selective about whom I opened up to, generally not trusting people, while still maintaining a fundamental trust even through continual disappointments. Then I realized I don’t have to make it alone. There are so many people out there and resources at my disposal that it is foolish to trudge out in the world alone. Chogyam Trungpa talks about building a court similar to the fashion of royalty with you as the king or queen, with a general, a minister, a steed, and so on. Public Enemy exemplified this court principle with their collective of Chuck D, Flavor-Flav, Terminator X, S1W’s, The Bomb Squad, Harry Allen (Media Assassin), Professor Griff. One not only doesn’t need to go forth alone, but if they are ever going to rise beyond the limits of mere survival and start manifesting their full potential they must gain the support of others. How do we build the links to our chain in this chaotic world?

Opening Up.

2009-08-09T11:08:00.001-07:00

Practice can seem awfully lonely until one realizes that written expression can also be a valuable component when merged with the daily process of practice. Following a schedule of discipline in the areas of physical, spiritual, study, and psychological exercises or routines can right the passage. Blogging comes out of the degraded worldview and into the righteous land of pure activity. The ability to transform ordinary moments into powerful examples of life's expression causes our view to widen. This all comes over time, progressively, through applied technique, and concerted effort.

Blow By Blow Accounts of Micro Intrerests

2009-04-26T09:49:00.000-07:00

According to NormRobot the PathRhino blog is not a blow by blow account of everything you do in the course of a day. As Cracker walks between me and the laptop as I type. And then does another pass looking for rubs. He keeps passing over and over as the purring reaches a crescendo alongside Chopin's racing Fantasy-Impromptu. Now Cracker has miraculously made it onto my lap, as the other webpage has loaded. Damn my computer loads slow. What kind of netbook do I want I think to myself. The piano has calmed down and Cracker looks down at my hands upon the keys. I think of how the piano and typing rhythm coincides into one. The Soccer game on TV also plays along in the movement. Cracker is too big for my lap but that doesn't stop him from plopping himself there, one back leg cocked out on the floor, two front paws outstretched in his signature Superman pose. Ouch he just got up and his claws are too sharp as he digs into my naked calf. It is taking me a billion years to find that Norm blog entry where he shouted out this blog. Here is the text from his original entry:

PathRhino in da House
So Dave and I started blogging right around the same time, and have discussed the importance of having at least one fellow blogger to check in on your new material. Anything else would be simply unprofessional. With the classic dilemma of "Does anyone out there actually read any of this stuff?", it's nice to know that the answer is "Yes."Dave's blog is honestly what a blog should be; not a blow-by-blow rundown of "this is what I did today", nor a hip insider "news channel" for the micro-scene of your choice. Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course. But it's refreshing...The blog entry below labeled "DB#12000018" is in fact a "double blog" entry, in some ways a throwback to our mind-melding experiments from the early part of the year, but that was in another dimension entirely, and I never give away my secrets.

I have fallen into the blowbyblow thing now that i've been twittering so forgive me if I have sold out to the mundane. I am getting into the groove this weekend by opening my social networking up a bit.

Process Continuity

2009-04-23T19:29:00.000-07:00

The key to any endeavor is to use process, Aleister Crowley said if you do a practice without some sort of schedule it will actually upset your balance. Oh to be balanced. Spoke with Fr.Mx and talked about his blog. He mentioned me as a role model. It made me feel gratified, like the hard work seemingly little noticed shines brightly all the time. He asked about Ego and Social Network Sites. I don't have all his answers.

A Quick Thought: Life is better when focused on living choices.

I'll add to this later but for now post it as a teaser. I'll have time to add-up on Saturday.

Revisiting the ILP Modules

2009-04-15T18:23:00.000-07:00

I went through the ILP modules again and edited my previous blog entry. The process of reviewing serves to strip down my words quite a bit. I find myself being the Samurai in Natalie Goldberg's book Writing Down the Bones.

The first go round I am out with guns blazing and the second time I got my scalpel out becoming the surgeon. Whatever don't fit must be excised. The piece must run together and hold basic sense or else we are wasting our message in sidebars that rob the potency from our core message.

I have so much previous writing that it seems silly to spend so much time writing new stuff. I stand to benefit from digging into the vaults. I must work my capital like the founder of Binary Economics Louis Kelso teaches us.

Journaling as Practice

2009-04-15T17:41:00.000-07:00

I worked a bit in the Integral Life Practice book and touched base in each of the four modules, mind, body, spirit, and the shadow. The mind module included writing and study as a component so I integrated it into the revamped version of this blog. There has been a lull in my videomaking since I lost use of my cam due to droppage.

In the interim I began the EyesOnNow blog keep up with the developing world collapse. I am reporting what is happening as the slide materializes. Some of the reports from my peers in the blog and vid circuit are grim. As the mainstream media look to a quick recovery, the smart man on the street is preparing for something much worse.

Sensory Overload

2007-10-23T16:48:00.000-07:00

The world seems to come at us faster now than ever before. The byproduct of automation and technology is speediness and a glut of media. Information bombards our awareness at alarming rates. It is easy to get caught in the perpetual forward lean of life rushing from one event to the next not seeing its effect on us. With so much coming our way it easy to feel walloped from left and right, all the while losing contact with our true selves, and drifting further from our intentions. We falsely begin to see the world as working against us because we are unable to harness it effectively.
By packing our lives with distractions we drain our energy and lose our focus. We allow ourselves to get trapped in mindlessly unaware habitual patterns, dulling ourselves, and sapping our energy. Our world begins to be consumed in the form of entertainment, food, our desires, and buying the things we think we should have.
We stuff our uneasiness with treats rather than uncover what lurks beneath desire without constant acquisition. Perpetual need for consumption is like an addict stuck on its fix, the media junkie scraping the bottom of the barrel for entertainment to counteract their incessant chronic boredom. People also get their energy sapped by jealousy and greed. Want is an animal that left unexamined will roil in your belly deciding your future from behind the scenes.
And so, like an injured patient needing medical assistance we need to respond to these challenges. Where do we go? Do we rush outside for help? The danger of finding your answers wholly from an outside source is you become open to manipulation and bad information. In order to counteract the trapped experience of the Sensory Overloaded individual you need to develop the personal mastery necessary to integrate and embody external influences through the core of your being. Don’t be trapped like the hopeful executive who hires a corporate consultant who arrives with quick fixes and leaves with nobody empowered to maintain the structure he adopts.
And that takes me to the first step in response to sensory overload, which is to contact the stillness of the present moment. Take a step back and just watch your awareness for as little as a split second stem the onrushing tide of new input. Turn off all TV’s, radios, and do not take any phone calls. It is important to allow yourself to be uninterrupted when you plunge into activities. You will find inside you is an inexhaustible reservoir of energy contacted by entering through the gate of stillness. You begin to see you don’t need to go rushing outside of yourself. As you progress you will begin acting in a manner more balanced with the world around you as opposed to crashing into it.

The Aesthetic of the Jangled Mass of Wires

2006-07-27T07:34:00.000-07:00

Here is the man in action as always, just steering traffic like a good ole' boy.

The Aesthetic of the Jangled Mass of Wires

needles and pinpricks

2006-07-27T07:20:00.000-07:00

Sunburn avoidance honesty depression

I am sunburned, what the hell was i thinking, I am roasting

Avoidance, I avoid what I need to do, I am scared, I sit alone a lot

Honesty is a losing commodity, I compare myself to the world, always hoping

Depression always lurks, I think dying is bringing me in touch with the pain, I am rattled

New Styles the new one

2006-07-26T05:33:00.000-07:00

Walking for peace, greens, boredom, death, and sex

I believe that walking is really good for me

I should eat more greens, i see a lot of green, as in trees but not money.

Boredom, i feel akin to boredom, it is my friend, like pot

Death awaits, I watch as it approaches, I am scared, but not as scared as most.

Sex, I think about it alot. I must transmute like Napoleon Hill suggests, transmute desires into success, and of course a loving relationship

_______________

Here check out my mad video, it is alarming and attempting to be positive

New Styles

2006-07-02T09:04:00.000-07:00

Here is the new style. I may explain what it is later but for now I am just doing it.

___________

I have too much crap. I feel fat. I drink too much. I need to save money.

____________

There is a serious disconnnect between people out there. I chalk it up to expectations. Expectations can turn in many directions as well all the time. You expect the world to be a ceratin way or for people to act a certain way and then it doesn't happen.

___________

My biggest block from becoming a better writer is consistency and controlled attention. I can't stay on a thought very long before I jump off the deep end. I have a problem connecting from the rhythm of my brain and the pattern of the typing. I don't know what to do with all of the excess, and poignant pieces around me. I get lost. Common problem I bet eh?

Scott Free from the Norm-Al

2006-06-29T21:22:00.000-07:00

Check my steez,
No thought in the open set
Check your mind Hyper-I-per -delic,
so Bald head slick are you up for the special ops, get you on the spin like tops
happening,
yap
neon
be the sphere
awake the tokenism
re-shape
set it off
particles breakdown

____________

And then you ask who can bring judgement
do you figure out before the end
blends tell me its all gone wrong
super gramma
do you know if the human has love
in the here-after in the after-life
after life
i hope to wrap to my wife in the next thought
programming
real life is being official
hell is where
you get to
if you don't
open the scopes
hopes, a dime a dozen
another puzzling special ed maneuver
gel the hair tonic
play wit' young headz is unfair
world wide tearz
drop

Norm Scott Free

2006-06-29T19:42:00.000-07:00

Hella,

Holy Crap, thats a big truck.

Pieces, good grief, hehehe.

The events you want, when you want them.

Norm' s Blog: The Aesthetic of the Jangled Mass of Wires

DB#12000018

2006-06-29T19:20:00.000-07:00

Yo, halo's not in the mist.

Halo's not intact.

Or anywhere near the premises I presume,

Dual or duel?

Shut up you fool.

Drool in a pool,

Sit in a stool,

DUEL.

Fight if you have to

hang from the rafter
call your pastor
ask whose master
find the bindings

bind the findings
I'm a grifter,
keep going like a drifter,
where I'm going, gaining queries,
fairies,
a spectrometer, get out on miskeeter,
my feet'er going one in front of the utha

my is mayan ruin

check the speed on your ometer

be the whirl in whirl-a-girl
jamaica?

has a bob-sled TEAM?

meet ja makah?
Steam going up like a dream
in deep deep deep
a fakir, antennae,
an aardvark lookin' for somethin' to eat,
no potatoes, something not much left...

eiffel

tower
trifle

rifle
back in listen world
is
iz
this is now

Conglomerate come out new like cash oil records Emirates,
i EAT cHINESE s[AGHETTI

WET

letter.

__________ . _____________

My great gramma
she said
do them wells
do they keep a pumpin' oil
or do they
DRY OUT
after a while?

,.,,.,,.,.mm

last word, go go go...
chinese stew.
monkey in the middle.
chinese stew.
any word

I've been busy today

2006-06-29T19:15:00.000-07:00

Coming back with a vengeance, Respect, hey by the way nasal, check out a supra-ultra cheepie by my slick veteran all right:

Probably Not.

2006-06-27T18:49:00.000-07:00

Each moment is new, brand new. That amazes me everytime. I get dumbstruck and don't know where to go next. I sit here pit patter trying to keep up with the flow of thoughts. I don't give myself time to seem clever or learned, just blaze, blaze, blaze, horrific, the way that boy kicks his jargon, a damn pirate i'm sure. Kentucky Fried Limericks, who the hell talks in complete sentences anyway, the damn ingrates. I guess its ingrained.

Bastards locked me out my house. I went and got dinner. Hassle. Took it in stride, kinda.

Peace, Love, and Greens.

_________________

The lockout scenario really sucks, yeah I heard some banging and I heard my name, but I didn't hear anyone that knew my name. They are crazy to use my name. Am I some kind of thing that gets tossed around. Strangers using my name upsets my frame. So they put the wrong key, and made a ruckus, fools. I was trying to sleep. I couldn't for the life of me figure out what the hell these knuckleheads were doing. And now I bet this mofo got fuming. He's lucky I didn't come out, fucking punks.

Whoa. Tough guy talk.

_________________

Spencer
Why not jump the gun
A lama here
A lama there
One Lama
Two Lama
Three and Four
Sure?

Am I making Sense

2006-06-26T15:28:00.000-07:00

Am I striking a chord. I can barely decipher the random rambles of this Art-Piece sumtimes. Really I must have the Attention Span of an Eel, for real.

Work is drudgery. I can't the Master plan. I am drained.

What does it all mean.

_________

I went to see Joel's play Hearts and Minds, which tackled the issues of our Country's direction after 9-11. The main character is a black man being held in an interrogation room after eporting his bag stolen while traveling in an airport bound to Miami. It had a ton of nervouse tension, and some funny moments. I enjoyed the performances and felt like it maintained a lot of punch and stirred a lot of thoughts.

_________

Yesterday's Feist / Buck 65 show was supa-fun. I got a lil' tipsy, as evidenced by my previous post. Whatever was going on there. Ask me. Comment. Figure it out. o you people even read this Snazz.

_____________

Lost in a surreal wasteland of surreal thoughts. Attempting to string enough of them together to grab your interest and spark your thirst. You the audience wrapped in your blankets, scared and hopeless. Be free, cast off your mental shackles, your irons. Dance with the spirits. Raise your own like a flagpole. Be the dance.

__________________-

I need to get on top of things with my website. I got Antonio hanging on the design. I am quite a procrastinator. I can really make that happen if you give me half a chance. Wasting my talents. I suppose.

Watched the Yankee game in typical veg-out fashion.

Dangerous Drunken Internet Posting

2006-06-24T10:02:00.000-07:00

My rambling searches seem to point to a lot of tension building up in the world. Does the world feel agitated to you. Maybe its just me thats agitated. The beer I drank Last night. The truth I give to the children. The coded language I employ. The neverending tap tap of the keyboard. The non-Editor approach to writing. The jump in your gut and quiver it. The reality drain - sink hole.

The the.

Spirals of downward rambling poetry. Why? Whynot. Don't waste my time. WHo cares anyway. Last nights dream stashed in my back pocket. Hot blooded. See through the fury. Show some respect.

No pain.

Early detection.

Snap a Neck

2006-06-23T22:06:00.000-07:00

break a neck.

There is the book called the shadow of the dalai lama, its a conspiracy type thing, and it rips into buddhism. i could tell right off the bat that the writing is subpar, jammed with sensationalism over scholarliness. The thing is who the hell am I? I wonder. I also liked when I saw how fucked it is that What the bleep do you know? is Ramtha. So sad. Walking in a cultlike background, with drinks and girls gone wild in the fore, obey the law is what they say. Nightlife crowd. Pilgrims in an illegitimate wasteland. Teenagers to adults, all wasted, laced, wasting time. Like its up for hock.

Robots of the sub culture find yourself. Did you ever notice the word cult is cult-ure, its You're cult, culture. It's Yours, like T La Rock, or was it La Tee. Bee I can't keep up with the old school now that I am so old school I'm going senile.

I'll get to the point some other time. Just jotting.

___________________

It's time to write, do you know what time it is,
strict biz, lyrical wiz, see you at the Copa.
Come out tonight
Don't be a loafer.
I'll take mine mocha,
over cans of coke
Look at those cans of coke.
More.
Sorry we're all out.
Can't go all out.
Drink yourself to oblivion.
Mixed drinks stink the think tank. No tanks

Nitro

Nitrous

Never Trust

DaDa

Merda Dem !!! Merda Dem !!!

I see you baby
I see you baby
Shaking that azzzz
Shaking that azzzz

Uh Huh
I see y-

All right,

Don't Touch Me.
Uh Huh
Don't Touch Me.

Enter rude - the Interlude

2006-06-20T18:50:00.000-07:00

Sleepless Nights lyrics"
I cannot sleep at nightThat’s what the day is for anywayAnd as the clock strikes midnightI hear them dancing at the gravesSinging to my mindKilling the pain . . . sleepless nights . . . sleepless nightsI cannot sleep at nightThat’s what the day is for anywayAnd as the clock strikes midnightOnly they can let us meetEven though she’s dead nowI gotta see her again . . . sleepless nights . . . sleepless nightsI cannot sleep at nightI will do anything to see missy againThen let us make you an eternal dealYou will attend to the gravesYou’ll give us the house back and keep in mindThat we only come here at night.So we made the deal under the starry night andAmon belongs to them now . . .I feel the dawn coming my wayAnd as the sun breaks up the darkI can’t hear them dance no moreThere’s no voicesKilling the pain . . . pain . . . pain

King Diamond Lyrics

follow me

2006-06-20T04:40:00.000-07:00

Every day I cover a little more ground, and eventually I will get somewhere.

Goals:

Become a better writer

by doing it
by reading
by getting feedback

Create a body of work

by planning what to write about
by doing it

Share this body of work

promote (friends, family, and strangers)

Meet other creatives

write letters and emails
go out and chat

Celebrate life

dance
use aspirations to focus (reality)

________

Oh Ronald
You destroy with your sham,
ham baloney sandwich.
Fraudulent, need to be in prison.
Exorcism of all you claim to be.
But you look the same to me
A snake oil charlatan
Scream on you like carlin
Got no love harlan
Barge 'em out on a boat
all she wrote
angela lansbury
knoxbury farms
be alarmed
ring the attention span
when you get the spam
the tibetan foundation?
got to get real
caused quite a stir
when he stranded those monks
life's slam dunks make you stronger
somedays the days seem longer
stretched out before you
governments wield strange powers
can the people be healed
subverted i heard it
in the wording
coming the bell tower rhetoric
clerics of hysterics
grave matters
mass concern

Oh Ronald you are diabolical
Wicked is your plan
From where did you land
And where will you end up?

_______________________

I feel centered today. Yesterday was dead on in terms of renewal. I feel more whole. I kept a schedule and it got me to kickstart my life into a more recognizable existence. Juie ti me. Energy is for the energetic so jump with it and show what you got. Don't be afraid life is happening.

Nightlife shimmy

2006-06-19T19:32:00.000-07:00

Well not really, more like sit at home with all sorts of rules and time limts the new Taylorism, at home. Watched the Yankees lose, and hung wet laundry around the loft like an 17th century washer woman.

Having to write means having to have an agenda. Having to have something to write. The right to write is inalienable. It is most basic. It is primal. It is the original, no copy.

Stand up and let yourself be known. Has beens and no-names are just as welcome as celebrities in my world, and pioneers of the cerebellum bell tower kinda power are my fave who cares about the queen. Burn the village.

Awoke to shreds of lost consciousness, unbearable and impossible to read, coming back in reflections. Seeing what is there, actually there. This is the central theme. Seeing the real, actual. Being real. Authentic.

The heat is on, no a/c, just grin and bear it. Hang on the fire escape and impeach the sky, crazy colors hovers over me majestic field aplenty.

Vortex and angry cyclone swirls. People take the spooky too serious and don't know what they are harnessing. Be careful of the kooks all around you, and I am not demonstrating paranoia. I am the kook. I am crazy, let it be told. Call me home from the war, lock me up. Hang me with bedsheets, hide me. Die. Lend me two nickels so I can rub you the wrong way.

I never believe any of you are real. My delusion is mine to keep, and we keep on playing. Play with me and drive me oh soooo crazee.

I challenge everything and nothing at the same time. I am the warrior with no beef. The vegan who eats Soy Sausages. The King of the palace. Large and in Charge, recognize.

_______________________

"Welcome to the machine " said the Magic Man.

He said goodbye to the Stranger of Nazareth who wanted to sleep all day. He couldn't wait for the answer in the morning with jokers to the left of him, so he took in the air tonight at the top of Solsbury Hill.

The Magic Man thought to himself, Its so easy with a heart of gold, but whos crying now that I am hooked on a feeling of being stuck in the middle with you Diamond Girl.

The genesis of misunderstanding began with that evil woman wo took me to her house on Baker street tonight. She said, " Id really love to see you tonight my sweet lord."

Bloglife

2006-06-18T22:06:00.000-07:00

The best way to begin is to begin badly, to fall straight down the pipe, and into the crapper. This is the way to ultimately succeed. First you must fail, so throw yourself headlong in front of the world with no shame. Dance on fire under the light. Enjoy the brightness, burn baby burn. I like the nightlife, give me some spice.

I could dance in quiet corners by myself buying nothing, peace nor admitting too many distractions. Nobody listens to the memoirs of a tormented sore loser.

Who wants to hear form crappy emotionalism.

Another life rolled out on a stretcher.

Who gives a damn?

Kendra Fowler from the Voluptuous Horror of Karen Black preached availabilism so in that vein I begin with the strange case of Ronald Lloyd Spencer.

Somehow he became the Buddha Maitreya and is taking his candy ass onto the scene. He pissed off a bunch of monks when he withdrew his support for them after they refused to agree with his assertion that he is the reincarnation of Christ and Buddha. It seems this charlatan is making false claims across the board. Who can you trust in this rat race game, certainly not yourself, and certainly not me.

Here read something random about him, and think fun:

Recently the name of Kharnang monastery have been associated with the activities of a man named Ronald Spencer pretending to the a living Buddha, and more precisely the reincarnation of all the Holy Masters of the past, from Buddhist lineages but also of other religions! "Ronald Lloyd Spencer, an American man born in 1951, declares that he is Buddha Maitreya emanation. His incarnation lineage begins from Buddha Shakyamuni (Gautama Buddha)/Jesus Christ/Buddha Maitreya, Guru Padmasambhava, Jowo Atisha and Je Tsongkhapa. And of course, like any other Buddhist-Christian cults, he said that this is the reappearance of Christ, the Buddha"."His centre is a Soul Therapy Centre. Its centre's literature also states that "He is the Avatar Archangel Michael/Metatron who is the Lord of Shambhala Sanat Kumara and is also known as Melchizedeck the Ancient of Days." "And his name and title are changed time to time: Archangel Michael, Tulku Karma Sonam Phuntsok Rinpoche, Babaji, Tulku Je Tsong Khapa Gyalwa Rinpoche, Lama Dorje Buddha Maitreya Jesus Archangel Michael and last but not the least the American Buddha."

We are talking kicks, let the legacy of foolishness persist. Guard your mind the spirits clutch.

Remember to connect to your heart, always. Keep reconnecting when you fall off track. Free will?