I sat quietly reading my book “A Hero with a Thousand Faces’ by Joseph Campbell during my lunch break taking in the deep powerful wisdom as it washed over me. In the process I felt balanced and whole. As I walked away from my quiet space amid the tumult of the city I reentered the crowded streets. As I entered I centered and allowed myself to connect with the Shambhala Windhorse, and Golden Key practices. Along the way I took in the sky, and buildings. I saw how the flags whipped in the wind, and how the world seemed so alive.
At the corner as I waited to cross the street I saw a Fire Truck in the bus lane honk loudly crashing in my ears and upsetting not only me but many of the people around us. I thought to myself what a better world it would be if the Police and Firemen obeyed the same laws that everyone else does to so they could provide a model of how to follow the laws, rather than taking an above the law attitude where they feel exempt from them.
I entered the bus lane about to cross forgetting that on 34th Street it is a funny light where one side stops early as traffic the other way is allowed to continue along for another 30 seconds or so. Because of this I got caught at the edge of the bus lane in the street, in traffic light limbo. I saw a man on a bike to my left ride up and stop at the red light. I thought to get out of his way in the split second that he approached but knowing he had a whole lane of space and I only had but a sliver which would have landed me closer to traffic I held my ground.
Well this set this man off. He said something about how he would have hit me if the cop wasn’t standing there. I didn’t see the cop so I don’t know what he was talking about, maybe he is referring to the cops stationed at the entrance of Penn Station. I stopped and listened to him, not saying a word. He got angrier and angrier, his words harsher and harsher. I was pretty shocked that I had created this disturbance in this man’s life, and of course the other 100 or so people watching it.
I stepped out of traffic and stood on the sidewalk to listen to the rest of his vitriol. He then got to a question about why I was standing on the sidelines all big and bad like I was going to do something but keeping a distance like a punk. This was the first and only words I spoke to him, “Because I am a pacifist, that’s why.”
He said “A pacifist, that’s why you are going to get yourself killed and die ignorant.” At this point he felt satisfied to ride off.
A man from the 34th street Development group that cleans up the streets for the business in the area was approached by another man who said “Man, with all this heat people are starting to get crazy. You got to watch yourself out here.”
I interjected, “you got that right.” He ignored me like I wasn’t even standing there, as though he was having a private conversation about a personal incident that didn’t involve me at all.
The guy cleaning the street said “I know.”, and together they laughed.
A young guy came over to say hello to the street cleaner, and saw me still standing there and said “You just got sparked son.” Finally somebody was acknowledging I existed, and didn’t seem like they wanted to kill me.
I said “Sparked, how you figure?”
He turned to the street cleaner and said “Let me get out of here before I get into trouble.”
And there I was standing there alone with a thousand people contemplating what I had just experienced. Many things went through my head as I slowly walked back to the office. What triggered him? Was it the battle for space in a crowded city? Did he feel like I showed him up by standing my ground? Was my silence and open hearted listening unnerving him further? Was it my white skin? Was it my business attire? Did it escalate for him because he didn’t get the reaction he expected? Or is it something that has nothing to do with me, and merely baggage he brought to the situation? I will not even attempt to answer any of those questions. These are things better left unsaid.
As a funny little epilogue I went back to my office and as I was getting into the elevator there were some people blocking the entrance as they pushed their floors. I was trapped in the doorway and a bike messenger said watch yourself as he pushed the door open button.
I said to him “I know you’re in a rush.”
He said, “No, I just don’t want you to get your foot stuck in the doorway.”
I said “thanks, pardon me I just got lit up by a bike messenger a few minutes ago.”
He said “Well you won’t get that from me. Don’t pay attention to that man. He don’t mean nothing. Enjoy your day.”
I said “Actually he does matter, and that’s why I listened to him and you have a great day too.”
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