Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Riding the horse called emotion

A weekend came and went, and I left the blog alone for a few days. As the time slipped by I felt liberated allowing it to disappear knowing that come today I would mount the horse again and put forth more thoughts. The world is a genuine gift everyday and I am prepared to receive its offerings. Each moment is a brand new opportunity to experience the richness of life. I think of the happy go lucky, positive affirmations crowd and wonder if they may be muting their experience under the guise of optimism. I also worry about the miserable, problem-heavy, complainer crowd on the other side of the spectrum. I am not criticizing anyone here but I think of these two poles of relating to life.

The positive side has to maintain a cheerful attitude and stay upbeat. Especially if you set yourself up as a teacher or an expert in the field of positivity like so many personal development, and law of attraction gurus making the circuit do. These days every other person seems to be a life coach, entrepreneur guru, social media maven, or what not. At least that is what is bubbling over in the twitter crowd. Once you present yourself in this matter the dark side becomes hidden. Does this part of you get buried only to come up in other ways? Or can you really put enough of a lid on it to be happy and make your reality come to life trough positive thinking, and enlightened action. I don’t want to take anything away from these people but in the same breath I don’t wholly trust this approach. Or in the very least I don’t see it as my route of relating to the world. Anyone who has followed the explosion of this blog of late will know that I am one who likes to get a little messy and crack open my deep psych in the service of personal growth, and discovery.

I don’t feel right putting anything forward that doesn’t feel genuine and real. I am never going to conform to some critic’s version of reality. I want to make you feel something when I step up to the plate. I am not here to give you a false sense of warmth or security. I want to get into the eye of the storm and bounce around amid the turbulence for awhile. Then ride safely out of the mayhem, settle my wings, and breathe. I love the energy of revved up emotion. This is why I am drawn to the transformative nature of tantric and Vajrayana teachings. I want a spirituality that honors all aspects of the human condition, and transforms all situations into expressions of wisdom. I don’t need to manipulate reality like some future sailing svengali on a road to ultimate peace. My peace comes from being earnest, and gutty, lively and thorough.

I do slow down the furnace of my analytical mind on many occasions. I’m forced to recognize my tendency toward the intellectual and the logical, and push into the experiential realm regularly. If I allow myself to fall into the thought based method of existing then I fool myself and cheat my life of the being. I can’t do that and I set up things to counteract this tendency of mine. In the same vein I do honor my tendencies, and work with them as they are, never waiting for some future date when it all gets pulled together. In many ways I can stabilize my life, but I will never pull it all together

I am brought to mind about the growth processes of nature as discussed in the Havener book, Meaning: The Secret of it All, where we find that the true process of growth is always alive in the moment of now. Once a system becomes bound by rules and structure it ceases to be alive. The structure falls into obsolescence and shrivels up and dies. I take my cues from nature and see the dynamic nature of being. There is no time to be ensnared in the web of misery. No matter the circumstance there is always the possibility of applying more insight, greater effort, a clearer version of what’s real. Also the journey is uniquely personal so although we can give each other pointers, the real nitty gritty is done in the lonely individual capacity. I got a lot to offer, as do all of us whether we choose to recognize it or not. The catch is that we need to remain responsible in what we choose to offer the world. I don’t want to candy-coat experience and give everything a neat little bow, but I also don’t feel the need to burden the world with anymore misery and senseless complaining.

One of my biggest frustrations is in making real change on a global level. This world feels like a runaway train ready veer off track. That gets me upset. When I think of all the wars, famine, and horrors being played out everyday I become deeply saddened. This world has always been rife with misery and the stage seems to get bigger as we sail along in the information age. We can mentally zip across the globe and get newsbreaks about every corner of the earth. This makes the landscape seem smaller and in your face looking out into the social theater. This is where perspective is crucial to the ballgame. Let’s not get overly caught up in the affairs of others, but let us also not get too trapped in our little boxes.

We often hear about the need for balance, as if we are acrobats in a grand circus but don’t get too bogged down in these concepts. The things I am saying and doing, discovering and sharing will form in time. I do not want to rush their outgrowth or become overly psychological in my approach so I am going to let the keytap rest for now, and bid you adieu.

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